Ever wake up five years later and go "what the fork was I thinking?!"

Ever wake up five years later and go "what the fork was I thinking?!"

Answer here

An indication that you've had enough.

You're right. It's all Obama's fault. The economy, the war, illegal immigration, the environment, broken health care system. All him. He writes all the legislation on his own, and he passes it on his own and those 535 people we call "Congress" don't actually do anything except read scripts given to them by Obama. There were no other people in office prior to Obama who made mistakes either. He's the only one who has ever fucked up ever ever.

In fact, he lies awake at night, scheming on ways to destroy our country and take away our guns and make us all slave vegan Muslims.

We the people have zero responsibility in this. None of us have borrowed money we couldn't pay back and spent it on things we didn't need. None of us live beyond our means. We are all highly informed voters who base our decisions on issues instead of blindly following flawed party lines and we show up at the polls for elections on every level and we diligently communicate with our lawmakers both to express our needs and to monitor their actions, demanding ethical conduct. We get our information from trusted neutral sources like the Library of Congress and VoteSmart.org.

We never start frivolous lawsuits after doing stupid shit to ourselves and tie up the courts and waste tax dollars. Not us! We're all fully accountable for our actions and the actions of our children. We would never blame someone else for our own mistakes, indifference or neglect.

We never try to pass or support legislation based on religious bias or our own personal selfish agendas and all of us who are able to work do work and we never defraud the system. We never try to force our personal beliefs on those around us.

We the people are perfect and innocent and that evil man in the White House is completely to blame. Him and him alone. Oh no, we cannot place responsibility on any of our local, state or federal lawmakers or ourselves. We are all merely helpless pawns in Obama's grand plan to ruin the world.

And I would never have come to this liberating realization without all the endless forwarded emails I receive and never ever try to verify because I fully accept them as fact by reasoning that if it's good enough to press the "Fwd" button, the person who sent it clearly did their homework.

If there is a single person reading this blog right now who failed to immediately recognize all of the above as pure and bitter sarcasm, please click that little "X" up in the corner and you'll be promptly redirected to a website perfectly suited for your level of intelligence.

And so help me gawd if I receive this, my own message, in the future as a forwarded email framed to represent researched facts and edited to omit my disclosure, I will see to it that the current sender and all senders before them die in a mysterious fire. The headlines will say "Homo-loving pot-smoking meat-eating baby-killing freedom-hating psychotic fat atheist bitch locks dozens of respected bigots in local church and torches it!"

Wow. I feel a lot better now.

Your Fluff Welcome Here

"Aw, look, poor thing, they won't let her shop. Yeah - like those salesgirls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is." ~ Romy White, "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" (1997)

I bet more than just fluffies can relate to this:

You show up to an establishment you've never visited only to discover you're a fish out of water, like a group of Mennonites at a frat boy's bachelor party.

In my experiences, it involved discovering the hard way that a certain biz was either not fat-friendly or straight up fat-intolerant. Not naming names *cough*cough* The Plaza *cough*cough* but I have stumbled across a few such places and it never fails to surprise, disappoint and incense me.

As a gesture of consideration to my chunky brethren and... uhhh... sisteren? (That's not a real term is it? Pfft. Do over! See next sentence.) In support of mah fat peeps and their sizes-other-than-fat family and friends, I would like to give those living in or planning to visit my adopted home town of KCMO a little guidance to the more chub-accessible attractions.

Noms... this city has some good ones. Nice variety too, if you can tolerate the irritating lack of good Cajun food.

Asian food:

Saigon 39

According to some reviews, they serve substandard pho. I like pho but that isn't why I go to Saigon 39. Their chicken fried rice is wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-craving-it good and if you like peanut sauce, theirs is superb (but pricey).

Fat Tolerant: Has tables with metal chairs and booths. Chairs do not have arms and booth tables are not affixed. Crowd is always a mixed bag but not too teen-infested. Restroom is spacious. Staff is polite but don't show up close to closing time because you may have to get it to go.

Minuses: Not really wheelchair accessible and parking can be a bitch during peak hours.

*LGBT Friendly Bonus Points

Asian Tiger

Super yummy traditional and modern sushi, ah-mah-zing pan dishes and one of the best non-bar cocktail menus in town.

Fat Friendly: Has tables with wood chairs and booths. Chairs do have arms but they are wide-set and only partially the length of the seat. Booth tables are not affixed and seats are comfortable. Charming, pleasant usually-quiet atmosphere. Haven't seen a big group of teens dining unsupervised there yet, which is a Buffie-Bonus. Staff is polite and respectful. Wheelchair accessible.

Mexican food:

Pancho's

Simple but satisfying and inexpensive menu. Very casual local chain with 24/7 drive thru windows.

Fat Tolerant: I admit, I almost never dine in at Pancho's because drive-thru rocks and I'm always in a hurry. I view drive-thrus at places that aren't national chains as a nod (intentional or not) to the chunky monkey customer. The location I frequent has fixed-table booths only. I can squeeze into a booth if I can't avoid getting take out but it isn't comfortable. Staff is polite and respectful.

Minuses: The location on Main is not the best place to be for people traveling alone after dark. Have had close-encounters of the potentially intoxicated/violent/generally criminal kind one too many times in that area.

Sol Azteca (now called Sabor Y Sol)

I haven't been since they remodeled but I have it on good authority that it's the same management and menu, which leans Tex-Mex. *giddy* Excellent price/portion ratio and leftovers heat up beautifully for lunch the next day.

*UPDATE*  I've been to Sabor Y Sol a couple times since they re-opened and it's everything Sol Azteca was and more.  They now have made-fresh-when-you-order-it guacamole that will land your ass in rehab.  The interior is much brighter now.  Tables and chairs are still fat-friendly.  Staff is great.  FOOD IS INCREDIBLE and more than reasonably priced.

Fat Friendly: Has tables with metal chairs and booths. Booth tables are not affixed but the spacing can be tight depending on how busy they are. Ladies' room is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful.

American noms, like burgers and steaks, yo:

Courthouse Exchange

Best freaking burger on earth next to OKC's Belle Isle Brewery Honey Pepper Bacon Burger. Onion rings so incredible they won over notorious hater of onions, Mr. Buffie.

Fat Tolerant: It's down a flight of stairs in the basement of a historic building, so it's totally not wheelchair accessible. Has tables with wood chairs and booths. I think some of the booth tables may be affixed but I don't remember. Crowd is adult but can be lively later in the evening. Ladies' room is spacious. Staff is polite and respectful.

Hereford House

It's a KC staple known for incredible steak. Pricey but if you're craving a /real/ steak, it sooo fits the bill.

Fat Tolerant: I only rate it a "Tolerant" and not a "Friendly" because the staff (usually just the hostesses) can be on the rude teen/mean girl side. Has tables and booths. I think some booths have affixed tables. Crowd is sometimes overly yuppie but that's at every "classy" steak joint, right? Ladies' room is spacious. Wheelchair accessible.

Barbeque, (spelled the right way - with a q) also known as BBQ:

Rosedale Barbeque

This was my first experience with KC BBQ and it was love at first bite. Beef sammichs, ribs, burnt ends (which is a clever but unjust term for delicious chunks of smoked brisket), cole slaw and the most sinful french fries in nom history. Definitely has a "dive joint" vibe but isn't filthy gross or anything like that. Respectable selection of very cold beers.

Fat Friendly: Has tables with metal chairs that generously outnumber the fixed-table booths. Ladies' room is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful.

BB's Lawnside BBQ

Hybrid restaurant and blues bar that has, of all things, an amazing meatloaf dinner on the menu. Also try the BBQ nachos... yes NACHOS! Bar has both liquor and beer for those who prefer a cocktail instead of a brew with their smoked meats.

Fat Friendly: Family style tables with an assortment of metal chairs. Crowd is varied but never teen heavy. Ladies' room is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful.

Multifariousness for the multifattieousness...

More noms:

Waldo Pizza

I am generally NOT a fan of pizza but I am coo coo crazy for Waldo Pizza. My fave is a spicy beef and sun dried tomato pizza with honey-wheat crust and extra sauce. The ultimate combination of savory, cheesy, sweet, hot, crusty and chewy. Westport Room special ranch dressing contains crack, I'm pretty sure. Never tried to actually shoot up with it but the idea has crossed my mind. Impressive beer/liquor selection. This ain't your average Chuck E. Cheese folks.

Fat Friendly: Has tables with wood chairs and booths. I'm not 100% sure but I think the booths have fixed-tables. Crowd can attract teens and kids because pizza seems to have that effect but I have never been disturbed to the point of panic. Ladies' room is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful.

*LGBT Friendly Bonus Points

Movies:

Tivoli Cinemas

Mostly independent films. Some of my favorite movies I've watched here.

Fat Friendly: Theaters are on the 2nd floor but there's an elevator. Smaller size means every seat has a great view. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is wonderfully polite and respectful.

Minuses: Seats are older and on the small side but I'm able to wedge myself into them without much discomfort. Sit in the back if you need to stand up a couple times during the flick so you don't block the view of the people behind you. Decent leg room despite the seat width.

*LGBT Friendly Bonus Points

Bars:

Knucklehead's

If you're from KC and you long for the old Grand Emporium, Knucklehead's is a most suitable substitute and a regular Candye Kane tour stop. Blues, beer, liquor and noms. What else do you need?

Fat Friendly: Totally mixed bag of tables, chairs and booths. Crowd is fun but mature. No fratmosphere. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful.

Missie B's

Gay bar featuring delightful drag shows with unforgettable emcee - Dirty Dorothy.

Fat Friendly: Tables with regular chairs and bar stools. Ladies' room is spacious. Staff is polite and respectful, and in Dorothy's case, family.

*LGBT Friendly Bonus Points - Duh, obviously! LoL

Glamorousness:

Blo Salon Studio

If you think I have awesome hair, and I do (not bragging, just saying) then go to Blo and get some, too!

Fat Friendly: Salon seats have arms but they're wide set. Restroom is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is polite and respectful when it counts and devilishly hilarious the rest of the time.

*LGBT Friendly Bonus Points

Oasis Tan

Shut up, I know excessive tanning is supposed to be harmful, dangerous, whatever. I know, I know. But I don't overdo it and I cheat with spray tans. Speaking of spray tans, they have VersaSpa, and it's kickass.

Fat Tolerant: Variety of beds feature some larger, more spacious models. There is a weight limit and the staff I've dealt with answered my weight-limit questions professionally and respectfully. VersaSpa booth easily accommodates BBWs and most SSBBWs. Restroom is spacious. Wheelchair accessible. Staff is primarily young women who don't give off that "mean girl" vibe at all. That is a rare find in a tanning salon.

Shopping:

Mary Kay

Skin care and cosmetics that will rock your socks.

You know I had to put MK on my list. Hello! The consultant comes to /you/. Does it get more fat friendly than that!?

Lia Sophia

High quality costume jewelry sold via home parties. Like MK, LS consultants bring the shopping to you. Many of their necklaces are extra-long. Measurements for necklaces and bracelets are listed, eliminating the guesswork when it comes to fit.

And those are a few of my favorite things. By no means is this list complete. I would imagine there are many more fat friendly/tolerant places to haunt in the KC area and as I encounter them, I'll gladly share what I find.

Peace, fluff and equality,

~Buffie

Hi Buff, I'm a big fan of your modeling carreer. Do you wear also sexy cleavage and mini skirt in your daily.

Not really. Only in fat-safe/fat-friendly environments because the average group of people cannot be trusted to act respectfully. It's an unpleasant fact.

I live out loud as much as I can but I also realize there are boundaries I shouldn't push in public because society isn't ready to accept fat pride. We still have some fighting to do on that front.

Why ask why?

Are there any celebrities, actresses, or other such female famous peoplez specifically who you think gaining weight would be an improvement, E.G. improve there looks, make them sexier good for them or make em see the world through a larger girls eyes <;]

No specific person comes to mind; there are some who need a smack upside the head tho. (Spencer Pratt, Kanye, I'm talking to you.)

Not every skinny girl can rock curves... however I have to speak the whole truth and that is, not every zaftig lady can make skinny look good either.

I am never happy to see any celeb pimping sodium-laden over-priced horrors like Nutricrapstem or Jenny Crank. There are better ways to make money than by telling fat people they're hideous then preying on the ones who are unfortunately gullible enough to believe it.

However, it's probably unfair of me to hold a celebrity to a higher standard than the average person... but what the hay, it's fun so I do it anyway. Heeee!!!

Why ask why?

What's the craziest movie you've ever seen? The kind that just make you scratch your head and say WTF?

Probably a David Lynch movie... even though those are pretty tame in the big picture of creepy flicks. This foreign film I watched with my friend Regina was pretty out there. It was about a killer dog. And I think it was French. Baxter... Omg it has a Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baxter_(film)

Your questions are so much fun, Cat! (((hugs)))

Why ask why?

Buffie, I think your a real sex bomb of the SSBBW and a model to "big" women. Would you like to pose on Playboy or similar?

That's nice of you to say. It's fun. =)

Playboy has some of the most consistently lovely nude glamour photography out there. And true to what people say - the writing is excellent, nice combo of fluff and important stuff. Sort of like a morning news show except for hipsters who like vintage designer clothes and expensive vodka. A little ad heavy but when you hire the best, you have to pay them what they're worth somehow. Straight subscription costs probably wouldn't begin to cover their expenses.

I don't necessarily think I'm the appropriate type of model for Playboy's audience. Obviously they cater to people who are attracted to a thin/barely curvy body.

While I appreciate it personally, I realize I would not be popular among the majority of their readers. I might even get angry emails from people who are offended by simple fatness, and unfortunately I've come across a few.

There are some magazines that have equally kickass photography that feature we of the fluffy variety. So if one of them asked me, I would be flatted and gladly accept. ^_^

Why ask why?