I'm driving with my friend, who is a fair and balanced and rational and grounded person, and this teenage bitch in some car-payment-mobile is riding my ass.
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Larry Flynt said... 14Oct07
''The United States is the strongest country not because it's the biggest or richest, but because it's the freest.''
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
Monday, October 8, 2007
We can smell our own. 08Oct07
Phobics are such a trip. I can say that because I'm phobic. Kinda like it's ohkay for fat people to make fat jokes. We come from a place of understanding and there's heart in our humor... not hate.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Egg Salad Rant 03Oct07
The following prose is entitled "The Egg Salad Rant" and it is reprinted here with permission from the author, me, and was originally sent to Mr. Buffie via email on 24 September 2007. I'm putting it here because 1, Mr. Buffie tells everyone about it anyway, which is stupid. And 2, one of those people he told is the creepy type who steals other people's stupid and pretends it's their own stupid. Is that not fecking stupid?
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dear Kanye... stop whining. 17Sept07
This is from my Dims post... Just wanted to share it here, too...
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Poor Leave Me Alone Dude... 16Sept07
Don't be hatin'. That's all he's trying to say. I mean, what do we have to lose by being cool to each other? Even those with whom we fundamentally disagree?
What's his name... I have to look it up, just a sec. Chris Cocker.
First, I owe him props because *I* certainly don't have the brass nuts it would take to post that kind of emotional moment on the effin NET. He knew what he was walking into, but I bet he did not expect it to blow up like that. Anyway, the guy is far more brave than me. As ironic as that sounds, it's true. Much easier to put on a cheesy grin and stick your butt out than it is to show yourself being all upset and stuff.
Second, if he IS acting, then bravo! For the serious! That's the stuff Oscars are made of. It's gut wrenching. The pain seems really sincere!
Third, the message is good, eh? Its delivery is extreme and kinda out there, but he's only saying it takes all kinds and we should be more open to that "live-and-let-live" vibe. Nauseatingly cliche, you're right, but the term has been around this long because there's merit to it. ~groan~ I'm getting preachy! Slap me, please. Hard. hee heee hee.
We can still have our opinions and what not. And it doesn't kill someone to let them know how you really feel sometimes, even if it's not positive. We improve as people when we get honest feedback about both our strengths and 'not-so-strengths'. lol
Plus, is he really all that different from the rest of the world? People are acting like he's an alien space invader. Get over it, geez. Boys in eyeliner is hardly "new". Hellooo, remember the 80's? David poopie Beckham has worn eyeliner and he's apparently some pop culture icon and Duke of all Maxim Readers, although not for the reasons I would have guessed.
I just don't think our Britney Boy is the big looney bird E! and VH1 say he is... Is that dumb?
Am I a tremendous dork for even blogging about it? LOL Now I'm laughing because if I did a search, I'm sure I would find a BUTT LOAD of blogs about him and they would ALL be as big of a waste of time as mine. LOL But that's what hobbies are right? They're kind of a waste of time. (Then again, I'm -thismuch- jealous because I don't have time for a hobby. I won't deny it.)
Ohkay, so, wrapping up... Chris Cocker... not -that- much of a spaz.
I would also like to add...
Kitties are awesome!
XOXO,
~Buffie
(My mood is "quixotic" and I don't know what that means, but I thought it sounded good at the time. I hope it doesn't mean "will soon develop IBS" or something like that. But just in case it does, my mood is NOT actually hopeful for a colonic disorder. That would not be good. I'm not at liberty to say anymore about my mood. Sorry.)
:D
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Ohkay, so I know I said I wouldn’t mention it again... but... 13Sept07
Normally I actually would NOT mention the previous bullshit which went down in country-fuck smokey town regarding my MySpace and the fact that I flash me boobies for the money.
BUT... I have to issue a retraction, maybe, because something occurred to me today.
The smokey old whore in question is still a uhh a... well... she's still a smokey old whore, ohkay. And not the fun kind either. Like, I know, when I'm like a zillion years old, I'm going to be a smokey old whore, too. Minus the smoke. Minus the whore part, too. Geezus, fine, so I'll just be old. But it will be the GOOD kind of old. Like some of my friends who aren't 22 anymore. They're still a BLAST and they're fun and they're HAPPY and they don't take up hobbies which involve meddling and gossip and aimless attempts to cause shit storms in other people's lives. They're the GOOD kind of smokey old whores. The smokey old whore I referenced before is NOT the good kind. For fuck sake, I'm so off track. Enough bout smokey old hos. -must-resist-urge-to-make-nappy-headed-ho-joke-must-resist-aaaak-akaaaakaakak (Imus is a loser, just FYI. Who cares what that smokey old whore says! LOL I kill! LOL LOL LOL)
Ohkay, the topic train is back in the station... about my retraction. It's not really a retraction. I guess I just wanted to add that I know the smokey old whore isn't the ONLY person who got in on the bash-Buffie-for-fun game. A LOT of other people joined in. I felt like a goddamned piñata. Fucking fuckers.
This is all I wanted to add, because I was worried that I had left the impression that I was blaming one person for all the trash talk, when there were in fact dozens of people; and I also wanted to add that I know *who* those dozens are.
Actually... there's one more tiny little thing I'd like to say about the subject, then I'd like to consider it closed.
I pity those of you who tried to hurt me. Sincerely, I do. I mean that with earnestness. This is not a high-and-mighty thing. It's a sad from my heart thing. I feel so badly at how many of you don't have friends or hobbies or interests beyond these very immature things in which you involve yourselves. It's way depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not losing sleep over it. But if you all had been kind to me instead of horrible, I would have been a friend to you. I might have been able to help you realize things about yourself you might not have known. It's a gift I have. I'm sometimes able to help people realize how very interesting and unique they are. Plus, I'm fun. Not bragging or anything, I simply happen to know I'm fun. Just like I know I'm fat. It's a fact and I don't deny it. I'm fun and I am blessed with the ability to share my fun with almost everybody. The gift of contagious laughter, maybe.
But... you blew it. A lot of you had a choice to be nice or be awful. Those of you who chose awful have missed out. I forgive you, and soon I will have forgotten your nastiness, but you won't get another chance with me because I'll never trust you. That is YOUR loss and it's sad because there's clearly a part of you that NEEDS something good in your life. Have you ever even traveled 2 zip codes beyond your own home? (No, the casino boats on the north side of town don't count.)
If you're going to continue to snoop around and see what I'm doing (which is the same damn thing I was doing last time you checked, aren't you bored yet?) then I can at least try to make something positive happen for you.
Here's what to do... After you're done reading this and deciding who you're going to tell about it tomorrow, stop and ask yourself if they really care. Ask yourself why YOU care! Why DO you care? Don't you have things in your own life that are better to do? Is it because I'm fat? Can you not wrap your mind around the fact that people of all shapes, sizes and colors can feel great about themselves? What gives? Rhetorical questions, obviously.
Back on track again... sorry... Ohkay, so finish reading this... THEN... plan a trip. Somewhere you've never been. I don't care if it's 100 miles away or 2,000 miles away. Just think about a simple budget and plan to GO SOMEWHERE.
Once you've decided where you're going, get online and learn about that place. What's the local food? Is it a historic place? Do they speak with an accent there? Even go one step further and maybe start corresponding with a few locals online. Ask them about life in their community. How is it different from your life? How is it the same? What attracted you to this place?
Now, get in your car or get on a train or boat or whatever and GO THERE. Spend a couple of days. Take TONS of pictures and smile like your face is going to break. LAUGH!!! Laugh a LOT! Go to the local gift shop and look for silly post cards or those goofy collectible spoons and think of who among your friends would get a giggle out of receiving such a token. Make memories and cherish them.
Wait a couple of months.
REPEAT, except do it in a new location.
For the serious, traveling is a simple way to enrich your life and cause you to grow as a person. Good trips, bad trips, boring trips all leave an imprint on your mind and give you cause for thought. You'll learn more about who you are. You'll learn more about why things matter to you. You might even learn that some things, like, ahem, other people's personal lives, don't matter to you at all! Hey, wouldn't that be something!? =) See? Told you I'm fun... even if it's in a cheeky, snarky way.
Can't afford to travel? No problem. Clearly you have internet access. Use the satellite view on Google Maps to see the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall. Get on Wikipedia and find out what happened to the residents of Pompeii when Mount Vesuvius erupted. Watch a YouTube video about funny cats. Have a giggle! Just DO SOMETHING different today that you've never done before. Even if you only add a word to your vocabulary. The diamonds with the brightest fire have the most intricate facets. So add some facets to yourself and make an effort to shine a little brighter.
While I don't wish you winning powerball numbers or anything like that, I do wish you peace and I do hope you manage to find joy in your life, although I get the impression that probably doesn't come easily for you. Egads, there goes my pity reflex again... gulp. We all have our challenges, don't we?
Either way, bygones. It's cool. Don't be frustrated that you couldn't bring me down. I'm the only one who can bring me down. Just take that as a sign that you should be doing something better with your time, k?
Alrighty... I feel better now. Said all I have to say. Mostly. For now anyhow. LOL
Namaste,
~Buffie
BUT... I have to issue a retraction, maybe, because something occurred to me today.
The smokey old whore in question is still a uhh a... well... she's still a smokey old whore, ohkay. And not the fun kind either. Like, I know, when I'm like a zillion years old, I'm going to be a smokey old whore, too. Minus the smoke. Minus the whore part, too. Geezus, fine, so I'll just be old. But it will be the GOOD kind of old. Like some of my friends who aren't 22 anymore. They're still a BLAST and they're fun and they're HAPPY and they don't take up hobbies which involve meddling and gossip and aimless attempts to cause shit storms in other people's lives. They're the GOOD kind of smokey old whores. The smokey old whore I referenced before is NOT the good kind. For fuck sake, I'm so off track. Enough bout smokey old hos. -must-resist-urge-to-make-nappy-headed-ho-joke-must-resist-aaaak-akaaaakaakak (Imus is a loser, just FYI. Who cares what that smokey old whore says! LOL I kill! LOL LOL LOL)
Ohkay, the topic train is back in the station... about my retraction. It's not really a retraction. I guess I just wanted to add that I know the smokey old whore isn't the ONLY person who got in on the bash-Buffie-for-fun game. A LOT of other people joined in. I felt like a goddamned piñata. Fucking fuckers.
This is all I wanted to add, because I was worried that I had left the impression that I was blaming one person for all the trash talk, when there were in fact dozens of people; and I also wanted to add that I know *who* those dozens are.
Actually... there's one more tiny little thing I'd like to say about the subject, then I'd like to consider it closed.
I pity those of you who tried to hurt me. Sincerely, I do. I mean that with earnestness. This is not a high-and-mighty thing. It's a sad from my heart thing. I feel so badly at how many of you don't have friends or hobbies or interests beyond these very immature things in which you involve yourselves. It's way depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not losing sleep over it. But if you all had been kind to me instead of horrible, I would have been a friend to you. I might have been able to help you realize things about yourself you might not have known. It's a gift I have. I'm sometimes able to help people realize how very interesting and unique they are. Plus, I'm fun. Not bragging or anything, I simply happen to know I'm fun. Just like I know I'm fat. It's a fact and I don't deny it. I'm fun and I am blessed with the ability to share my fun with almost everybody. The gift of contagious laughter, maybe.
But... you blew it. A lot of you had a choice to be nice or be awful. Those of you who chose awful have missed out. I forgive you, and soon I will have forgotten your nastiness, but you won't get another chance with me because I'll never trust you. That is YOUR loss and it's sad because there's clearly a part of you that NEEDS something good in your life. Have you ever even traveled 2 zip codes beyond your own home? (No, the casino boats on the north side of town don't count.)
If you're going to continue to snoop around and see what I'm doing (which is the same damn thing I was doing last time you checked, aren't you bored yet?) then I can at least try to make something positive happen for you.
Here's what to do... After you're done reading this and deciding who you're going to tell about it tomorrow, stop and ask yourself if they really care. Ask yourself why YOU care! Why DO you care? Don't you have things in your own life that are better to do? Is it because I'm fat? Can you not wrap your mind around the fact that people of all shapes, sizes and colors can feel great about themselves? What gives? Rhetorical questions, obviously.
Back on track again... sorry... Ohkay, so finish reading this... THEN... plan a trip. Somewhere you've never been. I don't care if it's 100 miles away or 2,000 miles away. Just think about a simple budget and plan to GO SOMEWHERE.
Once you've decided where you're going, get online and learn about that place. What's the local food? Is it a historic place? Do they speak with an accent there? Even go one step further and maybe start corresponding with a few locals online. Ask them about life in their community. How is it different from your life? How is it the same? What attracted you to this place?
Now, get in your car or get on a train or boat or whatever and GO THERE. Spend a couple of days. Take TONS of pictures and smile like your face is going to break. LAUGH!!! Laugh a LOT! Go to the local gift shop and look for silly post cards or those goofy collectible spoons and think of who among your friends would get a giggle out of receiving such a token. Make memories and cherish them.
Wait a couple of months.
REPEAT, except do it in a new location.
For the serious, traveling is a simple way to enrich your life and cause you to grow as a person. Good trips, bad trips, boring trips all leave an imprint on your mind and give you cause for thought. You'll learn more about who you are. You'll learn more about why things matter to you. You might even learn that some things, like, ahem, other people's personal lives, don't matter to you at all! Hey, wouldn't that be something!? =) See? Told you I'm fun... even if it's in a cheeky, snarky way.
Can't afford to travel? No problem. Clearly you have internet access. Use the satellite view on Google Maps to see the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall. Get on Wikipedia and find out what happened to the residents of Pompeii when Mount Vesuvius erupted. Watch a YouTube video about funny cats. Have a giggle! Just DO SOMETHING different today that you've never done before. Even if you only add a word to your vocabulary. The diamonds with the brightest fire have the most intricate facets. So add some facets to yourself and make an effort to shine a little brighter.
While I don't wish you winning powerball numbers or anything like that, I do wish you peace and I do hope you manage to find joy in your life, although I get the impression that probably doesn't come easily for you. Egads, there goes my pity reflex again... gulp. We all have our challenges, don't we?
Either way, bygones. It's cool. Don't be frustrated that you couldn't bring me down. I'm the only one who can bring me down. Just take that as a sign that you should be doing something better with your time, k?
Alrighty... I feel better now. Said all I have to say. Mostly. For now anyhow. LOL
Namaste,
~Buffie
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