No secret I love some Junk TeeVee. It's nice to have mindless drivel playing in the background when I'm going about my domestic business. Sometimes I find it entertaining between folding clothes or vacuuming. Other times, it's just white noise while I do some bookkeeping or during nights when I work from home.
Recently I caught part of a show where a girl with money for $5-mocha-chino-lattes, fake nails, dining out, tanning, designer purses and other things receives government assistance. Since when is it acceptable to spend money on happy ha ha fun time things then require the taxpayer to pick up the tab for her essentials?
These assistance programs provide a vital service to people who truly need help. People who are physically or mentally challenged and unable to work but don't have the luxury of having a wealthy parent to buy them a home are the ones meant to benefit from government aid. Then there are the working poor - people who can and do work yet don't currently earn enough money to pay for medicine or food. Government assistance is intended for these individuals, sometimes permanently or long-term and other times temporarily until they can get back on their feet.
Government assistance is NOT meant to be used in place of personal accountability. (Fer shizz, I really want an iPhone 4 even though a regular mobile phone will work just fine. Unfortunately, I only have enough money to buy things I actually need, like groceries and gas. BUT if I get food stamps, I'll be able to buy an iPhone 4. Yay me! I'm so clever. Thank you, hard-working people who pay taxes so I can have things I don't really need.) Many people are doing precisely that and to such a degree that some of these programs are now in danger of being eliminated. How an able-bodied, able-minded person can abuse the system and sleep at night blows my mind. Apparently it isn't too hard because it happens every day.
Money for these programs doesn't come flying out of a unicorn's ass. People who work and pay taxes fund the programs. Therefore, people who abuse the programs are committing fraud and stealing from taxpayers.
Since when is entitlement en vogue? What's so glamorous about being a mooch?
Why do taxpayers owe help to someone who doesn't truly need it?
Showing posts with label Junk TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Junk TV. Show all posts
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
WARNING: Google May Cause Good Deeds.
Like everyone knows who Byron Allen is, right? Y'know - he's that hack dude always who is always trying to break into showbiz?
That guy has been around forever, always on some late-nite low-budget quasi-entertainment/sports news comedy show starring him, written by him, produced by him, directed by him, edited by him?
I consider him just one step above an infomercial actor. Anyway, for laughs I Googled him. He's only got 1.3 million hits.
That made me feel bad for clowning on him so much. I had to make amends.
Hey Byron, let me make it up to you. "Byron Allen" There. Now you have 1.3 million & 1 hits.
Even his Wiki page is kinda sad... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byron_Allen
Geez. We should help this guy out. Everyone try to use "Byron Allen" in a sentence tomorrow. Let's see if we can give him a boost.
P.S.
*If you are reading this and thinking - "Duuude, I don't effing get that. Byron who?" Chances are you don't often suffer from insomnia and if you do, you have more options than local network TV to occupy your time.
P.P.S
*Dear Mr. Buffie, thank you for talking me into getting pay-TeeVee for the first time in 2004. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I also don't know how I managed to make it to age 22 before I had a television with a remote control. Additionally, I don't know why I am not getting up right now to retrieve the remote from your sound-asleep grasp to change the channel. I am further mystified as to why instead I have opted to watch Byron Fucking Allen again.
Did YOU do a good deed today? ~smugly looks around the room~
Friday, August 14, 2009
Buffie's Super Awesome Friday
Fridays are usually awesome... just because they're Fridays, right? But do you every now and then have a SUPER awesome Friday?
I DO.
Today was a good example of one.
First bonus - weather was almost not hot.
Second bonus - got a lot done at work and am currently working on a fun project.
Next bonus - had excellent noms today with excellent peeps at lunch.
Bonus after that bonus - did a short workout but at least I was able to drag my ass to the Y.
Even one more bonus after that bonus - one of my favorite Pauly Shore movies is on TeeVee.
If I keep going I'm just bragging bonus - only thing left on my to-do list today.... chill with my kitty cats and Mr. B while he snores on the sofa. :D >He's not feeling great tonight, unfortunately. No, I don't think it's swine flu although I haven't ruled out Ebola virus.<
A bunch of other little righteous events occurred today but I don't want to gloat ...more than I already have.
Psst... what is this sound? *bzz*bzz*bzz*bzz Give up? That's me, sending Super Awesome Friday Vibes to the world! [Said in my best Jeremy Clarkson voice.)
People who don't watch Top Gear are not going to get that joke.
People who do watch Top Gear - High Fives! Yeah!
Ohkay, bye now.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The glass is half empty? The glass is half full? Doesn't matter, I just need enough to swallow this pill...
So things can't be as bad as we think or hear about on the news, right?
No. They can't.
Why? Because we live in a world where Beavis (*the* Beavis) has a Wiki page. True story.
Speaking of Beavis... now stay with me, because this is a winding path... I was forced, no - I was tortured into watching Barrett-Jackson again tonight. The noises, I hear them in my sleep. Heeebiitttdy hebitty heb heb heb Thirty Three ammaw maw maw maw Forty Three four five five five awtibbity tibitty bitty bitty bitty Hum Hum Hummmmmmm SOLD!
*hork*
I ~heart~ cars. I la la la loathe Barrett-Jackson.
It's the most unwatchable thing in the history of TeeVee and it is a big shiny symbol of the impending ruination of the muscle car hobby at the hands of rich assholes who buy them up and turn them into museum pieces. That is NOT where muscle cars belong. Nor do they belong on trailers. If they run, if they have good rubber then _drive_ the son of a bitch. That's why it's cool.
Anyway, Beavis is prone to kicking Butthead in the nads unprovoked. So I Twitter-Vowed to kick the auction jerkwad in the jewels if I ever meet him. Not only because I hear his obnoxious chattering in my sleep, but also because I completely dislike his role in taking my dreams of owning a Panther Pink Hemi 'Cuda away from me.
Which brings me to jewels and having a healthy sense of entitlement... Some chick was on the news tonight bitching and crying because Medicaid wouldn't pay $200 to have her abscessed tooth removed. So she ended up with all these problems. Wah wah wah. She says this and she's sitting in a nice home, and wearing gold rings and a gold necklace and nice clothes. She can afford bling-bling but she needs $200 of tax dollars to pay for her tooth??? Honey, get your priorities in order. You don't look physically or mentally challenged to me, get a job.
I shouldn't watch the news.
I shouldn't watch Barrett-Jackson either. Unfortunately, it was Mr. Buffie's turn to use the remote tonight. ...sigh...
Useful stuff folks. You'll be glad to know these things should you ever find yourself on Wheel of Fortune or COPS.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Did "God" tell them personally or something? 06Apr09
The laundry was finished. Ate dinner. The dishwasher was loaded and running. Trash taken out. Surfaces wiped down. Kitty box changed. Too late to hit the grocery store. Finished the work I brought home from the office.
It's official. I literally had nothing better to do.
So I started digging around on YouTube. First looking at some ghost thing that was supposed to be funny. It wasn't. In the 'related videos' thing, I looked at something about Sylvia Browne. She's looney but is probably a lot of fun when she's drunk.
One thing led to another and next thing you know, I'm watching a video of Nut Job Shirley Phelps on a Fox show trying in vain to defend herself.
[~shudder~ I feel like I need to take a shower.]
She has to fall into one of 4 categories.
1 - Severely mentally ill (possibly due to inbreeding - have you /seen/ the Phelps family?)
2 - Massive attention whore (could be a combination of 1 and 2.)
3 - There must be some secret way they make money off this.
4 - A little bit of all of the above.
The conversation eventually turned to "sin" and how god is "punishing" the USA for accepting gay people.
She used the term "because we don't obey" a lot. Obey what? The bible? What about people who DO obey? What if they die in the war? Is that cool, too? Are they going to protest that funeral like all the others?
(For the record, Buffie does not subscribe to the Bible, but that doesn't mean I don't think about religious stuff or have curiosity. Just not my personal belief... thing.)
Now if I am going by Shirley Wacky Ass's description of sin - the following things are bad:
Being gay.
Accepting gay people.
Having gay friends.
Doing anything related to gay-ness and not hating the shit out of it.
On the other hand, according to Shirley Phucktard, the following things are NOT bad:
Protesting a funeral for a soldier who gave their life for our freedoms.
Trying to make a stranger feel like shit for being at said soldier's funeral.
Calling someone a "bimbo" (she did on Fox) or a "pervert" (she has on a crap ton of other shows).
Having snaggly disgusting hair and freaky gross horse teeth.
Excessive use of sarcasm in the name of the Lawd.
Oh... and apparently the word "ass" isn't a swear because she uses it a lot and she must think she's all perfect and junk because that bible book says people who don't sin are the ones allowed to throw rocks at other people.
Yeah.
That's what I learned. Fascinating.
Wait. It gets better.
She says her "church" isn't supposed to be popular. She says the bible says people are supposed to hate her church. To that I say - Mission Accomplished!
Crazy cunt actually got one right. Whaddaya know?
I'm still not real sure what the goal of the Westboro Psycho Klan Church is supposed to be because no one could get the ignorant bitch to stop ranting long enough to answer a question directly. Anyone got a clue on this one? (No sarcasm or weird answers that are actually questions, please. I got enough of that from the spaz hag herself.)
Also, does anybody else suspect that Phred Phelps himself started the whole "god hates fags" thing because he is (unfortunately for gay people everywhere) in the closet and scared of being judged for being gay? Just sayin... insecurity is often the root of over-compensation.... think about it.....
There you go. That's how I spent my evening. And that's about all the time I think I can devote to something as worthless and insignificant as those Phelps douchebags in Topeka. Let's just hope they stay the hell there. Other people in Topeka, you might want to move elsewhere.... I know I would.
This is was inbred ignorant hate looks like:
It's official. I literally had nothing better to do.
So I started digging around on YouTube. First looking at some ghost thing that was supposed to be funny. It wasn't. In the 'related videos' thing, I looked at something about Sylvia Browne. She's looney but is probably a lot of fun when she's drunk.
One thing led to another and next thing you know, I'm watching a video of Nut Job Shirley Phelps on a Fox show trying in vain to defend herself.
[~shudder~ I feel like I need to take a shower.]
She has to fall into one of 4 categories.
1 - Severely mentally ill (possibly due to inbreeding - have you /seen/ the Phelps family?)
2 - Massive attention whore (could be a combination of 1 and 2.)
3 - There must be some secret way they make money off this.
4 - A little bit of all of the above.
The conversation eventually turned to "sin" and how god is "punishing" the USA for accepting gay people.
She used the term "because we don't obey" a lot. Obey what? The bible? What about people who DO obey? What if they die in the war? Is that cool, too? Are they going to protest that funeral like all the others?
(For the record, Buffie does not subscribe to the Bible, but that doesn't mean I don't think about religious stuff or have curiosity. Just not my personal belief... thing.)
Now if I am going by Shirley Wacky Ass's description of sin - the following things are bad:
Being gay.
Accepting gay people.
Having gay friends.
Doing anything related to gay-ness and not hating the shit out of it.
On the other hand, according to Shirley Phucktard, the following things are NOT bad:
Protesting a funeral for a soldier who gave their life for our freedoms.
Trying to make a stranger feel like shit for being at said soldier's funeral.
Calling someone a "bimbo" (she did on Fox) or a "pervert" (she has on a crap ton of other shows).
Having snaggly disgusting hair and freaky gross horse teeth.
Excessive use of sarcasm in the name of the Lawd.
Oh... and apparently the word "ass" isn't a swear because she uses it a lot and she must think she's all perfect and junk because that bible book says people who don't sin are the ones allowed to throw rocks at other people.
Yeah.
That's what I learned. Fascinating.
Wait. It gets better.
She says her "church" isn't supposed to be popular. She says the bible says people are supposed to hate her church. To that I say - Mission Accomplished!
Crazy cunt actually got one right. Whaddaya know?
I'm still not real sure what the goal of the Westboro Psycho Klan Church is supposed to be because no one could get the ignorant bitch to stop ranting long enough to answer a question directly. Anyone got a clue on this one? (No sarcasm or weird answers that are actually questions, please. I got enough of that from the spaz hag herself.)
Also, does anybody else suspect that Phred Phelps himself started the whole "god hates fags" thing because he is (unfortunately for gay people everywhere) in the closet and scared of being judged for being gay? Just sayin... insecurity is often the root of over-compensation.... think about it.....
There you go. That's how I spent my evening. And that's about all the time I think I can devote to something as worthless and insignificant as those Phelps douchebags in Topeka. Let's just hope they stay the hell there. Other people in Topeka, you might want to move elsewhere.... I know I would.
This is was inbred ignorant hate looks like:
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Buffie Wastes a Minute of Your Time. 12Feb09
I warned you.
(Thank you Conan O'Brien and your friend Frankenstein, for the neato idea!)
That's all I'm saying about that.
No secret that I dig junk TV, right? We all know this, yes? Ohkay. Oddly enough, even I have television standards.
Who gives a shit about the Kardashians, really? /Really./ ...
Also, what is going on lately with the tabloid shows and Jessica Simpson's "weight" or Mischa Barton's lack thereof? Which one is it, Hollywood? You have to make a decision on what sizes are acceptable because you're fucking annoying everyone.
Earlier tonight, Charo was in a sound deep kitty cat sleep on Mr. Buffie's lap. Whimsey was sitting next to me on the ottoman, enjoying having her chin scratched. Since she was being a nice kitty and also because Charo is bad at taking turns, I decided to try and sneak Whims a little kitty nip.
Veeeeery q u i e t l y I opened the lid. Silently shook some out for Whimsey. Tried to put the lid back on making less noise than a mouse going pee pee on a pillow, but Charo's ears *instantly* turned right to me. I was busted so fast.
You can't sneak up on a cat. And if you do, it's just dumb luck. Even a kitty so fast asleep that the electronica channel on the sat rad won't make her twitch a whisker knows the sound of the catnip tub being opened and closed.
=)
And now Buffie has wasted a moment of your time.
(Thank you Conan O'Brien and your friend Frankenstein, for the neato idea!)
That's all I'm saying about that.
No secret that I dig junk TV, right? We all know this, yes? Ohkay. Oddly enough, even I have television standards.
Who gives a shit about the Kardashians, really? /Really./ ...
Also, what is going on lately with the tabloid shows and Jessica Simpson's "weight" or Mischa Barton's lack thereof? Which one is it, Hollywood? You have to make a decision on what sizes are acceptable because you're fucking annoying everyone.
Earlier tonight, Charo was in a sound deep kitty cat sleep on Mr. Buffie's lap. Whimsey was sitting next to me on the ottoman, enjoying having her chin scratched. Since she was being a nice kitty and also because Charo is bad at taking turns, I decided to try and sneak Whims a little kitty nip.
Veeeeery q u i e t l y I opened the lid. Silently shook some out for Whimsey. Tried to put the lid back on making less noise than a mouse going pee pee on a pillow, but Charo's ears *instantly* turned right to me. I was busted so fast.
You can't sneak up on a cat. And if you do, it's just dumb luck. Even a kitty so fast asleep that the electronica channel on the sat rad won't make her twitch a whisker knows the sound of the catnip tub being opened and closed.
=)
And now Buffie has wasted a moment of your time.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I don’t have like a "fancy" MySpace. Does that mean I’m square? 02Oct08
Some of you have incredible MySpace pages. They're amazing. All I could manage to do was turn mine pink and include a bitchin Alice Cooper tune, which has mysteriously disappeared recently and I am not at all happy about that.
Also, did you know it's almost impossible to watch COPS or Wild Police Chase Videos while someone else is trying to sleep in the same room? It's very frustrating. Watching other people get in trouble has been a favorite passtime of mine since I was but a wee lass.
Don't know why. But I think it's because I like to think to myself "sucks to be them". Ha ha. I'm so smug. *I'm* not in trouble. Ha ha.
I'm really not like that, except on the inside. ~shifty glances~
Back to me.
It's about 1 am right now. I have insomnia and things to do and I like to have my junk TV on in the background because my attention span is too short to focus on any single thing, so I need a number of diversions in my rotation, which in a roundabout way keeps me productive. Don't call it adult ADHD, because I don't think I have that. Just call it... Attention Span Not Long Enough Syndrome.
Tonight happens to be Most Shocking (which is only a fancy name for police chase videos) on the TruTV (aka Court TV). Police and crooks both yell a lot. And cars make loud crunchy sounds when they hit stuff. If I turn the volume down enough so that the noises don't disturb Mr. Bufffie, then I can't hear the intense voice over guy describing the action. I tried closed captioning, but it covered up parts of the screen I needed to see and the shows don't really translate to text very well.
Poor Mr. Buffie. He's going to be grumpy in the morning.
Why I got off on that subject, I don't know. That isn't actually the reason why I am writing a little note here.
What I wanted to say is:
THANK YOU!
I am so appreciative of all the birthday hugs and cards and well wishes you've all so generously and thoughtfully given me. What a wonderful thing to experience. If only everyone were so lucky!
Thanks again and again. You sincerely have made me feel very special and very fortunate.
It has been your kindness that has kept me believing there is more positive in this world than negative. Some of you have never met me in real life and maybe don't know a thing about me at all, but you've taken the time to send me adorable notes and comments. How cool is that?
Of course my close friends have also done what they do so well, which is share their lives with me and let me know I am in their hearts just as much as they are in mine.
All things considered, life is pretty frickin sweet when you're me. ~winks~ No lie.
Not only have I been absolutely showered with excellent happy birthday vibes, I won $50 in the department jackpot today, plus I'm moving to an exciting new job with my company, and my mum and dad are going to visit over Turkey Day! Oh and I'm getting new nails and toes this weekend and I got my teeth bleached again last Saturday and I got some rad new fake eyelashes AND I had a coupon for them, can't wait to wear them. It gets better, I had catfish on Sunday and then last night I had the most delicious ribeye from Hereford House. Mmmmm... what else... there's too many more to mention. Now I'm just gloating. Gonna stop... Me so sorry.
Thank you all one more time for being just about the most kickass set of MySpace friends ever, even though my page is kinda ho hum.
((((EPIC HUGS))))
Also, did you know it's almost impossible to watch COPS or Wild Police Chase Videos while someone else is trying to sleep in the same room? It's very frustrating. Watching other people get in trouble has been a favorite passtime of mine since I was but a wee lass.
Don't know why. But I think it's because I like to think to myself "sucks to be them". Ha ha. I'm so smug. *I'm* not in trouble. Ha ha.
I'm really not like that, except on the inside. ~shifty glances~
Back to me.
It's about 1 am right now. I have insomnia and things to do and I like to have my junk TV on in the background because my attention span is too short to focus on any single thing, so I need a number of diversions in my rotation, which in a roundabout way keeps me productive. Don't call it adult ADHD, because I don't think I have that. Just call it... Attention Span Not Long Enough Syndrome.
Tonight happens to be Most Shocking (which is only a fancy name for police chase videos) on the TruTV (aka Court TV). Police and crooks both yell a lot. And cars make loud crunchy sounds when they hit stuff. If I turn the volume down enough so that the noises don't disturb Mr. Bufffie, then I can't hear the intense voice over guy describing the action. I tried closed captioning, but it covered up parts of the screen I needed to see and the shows don't really translate to text very well.
Poor Mr. Buffie. He's going to be grumpy in the morning.
Why I got off on that subject, I don't know. That isn't actually the reason why I am writing a little note here.
What I wanted to say is:
THANK YOU!
I am so appreciative of all the birthday hugs and cards and well wishes you've all so generously and thoughtfully given me. What a wonderful thing to experience. If only everyone were so lucky!
Thanks again and again. You sincerely have made me feel very special and very fortunate.
It has been your kindness that has kept me believing there is more positive in this world than negative. Some of you have never met me in real life and maybe don't know a thing about me at all, but you've taken the time to send me adorable notes and comments. How cool is that?
Of course my close friends have also done what they do so well, which is share their lives with me and let me know I am in their hearts just as much as they are in mine.
All things considered, life is pretty frickin sweet when you're me. ~winks~ No lie.
Not only have I been absolutely showered with excellent happy birthday vibes, I won $50 in the department jackpot today, plus I'm moving to an exciting new job with my company, and my mum and dad are going to visit over Turkey Day! Oh and I'm getting new nails and toes this weekend and I got my teeth bleached again last Saturday and I got some rad new fake eyelashes AND I had a coupon for them, can't wait to wear them. It gets better, I had catfish on Sunday and then last night I had the most delicious ribeye from Hereford House. Mmmmm... what else... there's too many more to mention. Now I'm just gloating. Gonna stop... Me so sorry.
Thank you all one more time for being just about the most kickass set of MySpace friends ever, even though my page is kinda ho hum.
((((EPIC HUGS))))
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
So what if his face hasn’t fallen off his head? 23Sept08
First of all, why is it possible to change the date and time you post your blog? That's weird. This isn't a legal document or anything. What does it matter if you post at 3 am on Tuesday or if you post at 12 noon on Friday? Creepy.
Anyway, there's this movie out right now with Diane "Bland" Lane and Richard "Overrated" Gere. From the commercials, I'm deducing it takes place at some beach house in San Francisco and they spend time sighing, smiling, making cheesy innuendo, making out, having a little spat, then wandering off into the surf as the sun sets in the background. LLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE.
Who makes this shit? Who spends money to produce this tripe? Who watches this? Gag me.
Mr. Buffie says people probably like them because Richard Gere is still "good looking" for his age. To quote him, "At least his face hasn't fallen off his head."
Squishy romance movies (the few I've seen anyway) aren't particularly funny, not necessarily well-acted, not suspenseful, not exciting, not anything. They're a piece of stale white bread.
Everyone talks about Ghost (remember that dreadful flick). Ohhh, it was sooo romantic. Ohhhh, Patrick Swishy. Ohhh, it was so hot. Swoon. Swoon. Sigh. The best thing about that movie was the crazy psychic lady part played by that woman with no eyebrows... Whoopie.
... Mmm... Uhh. Ohkay, so maybe that might have been the only "romantic" movie I've actually seen all the way through. So? If that's the best there is to offer, and a lot of people insist it is, then -barf-. No thanks.
Pauly Shore may not be everyone's taste and his movies are not the most productive way to spend one's time, but at least they make most people grin like an idiot. Empty calories can be good for the soul. Screw chicken soup.
On to other things.
There's this weird mo-fo who buys space in local KC papers and writes these wacko rants about squirrels living under his hat and they whisper in his ears at night. They tell him things about local politics and conspiracy strangeness, apparently. Then at random moments during these several-paragraph-long episodes of babbling, he will say something like "For the best stump removal this side of the Mississippi, call Edgar at XXX-XXXX".
Is that what LSD does to you when you get older?
His name is Skip Sleez-something. I dunno. Google him. I bet someone has said something about him before. He probably has his own hat-dwelling-woodland-critter-babble website at this point.
I hear he's filthy rich, but that he lives in an apartment above an old mini-storage building with abandoned cars all around it or something like that.
Speaking of hearing things about people---
I saw that Clay Aiken is "coming out". Like is that really necessary? Do I have to "come out" as a fat woman? Because that would be the exact same thing. People would look at me and say "duh, we already knew that". So Clay, good for you and everything, but ... duh, we already knew that.
Sorry I haven't been around a whole lot lately. I started playing water volley ball with a group of senior citizens 3 nights a week.
No. I'm genuinely not kidding.
Stop judging. They're wonderful people and it's fun. It's a good way to keep me strong and flexible. Some of the ladies don't like to get their hair wet and some of the other ladies kind of cheat and spike the ball because they know the ones who maintain dry hair won't dive for the save. I'm telling you, they don't just sit around in rocking chairs and bake cookies on Sunday. These chicks have a wee bit of attitude.
Moving right along.
I returned to Wal-Mart tonight and managed to go inside.
-inhale-----------
------------exhale-
Tuesday nights aren't so bad. It wasn't as crowded as a Saturday. But it was still bursting at the seams with creepies. Maybe I'm a creepy, too. I don't know. What I do know is that if there is something you need down a particular aisle and you know exactly where it is, that is when you will get behind the slowest walking party of 13 in the whole store. It will consist of one mom under age 22. At least 3 kids still in diapers. One auntie or grandma wearing high-waisted jeans, plain white Keds knock offs, and a teddy bear t-shirt.
Seriously, people are just oblivious. It must have something to do with mob mentality of sorts. Everyone dreads being there so badly that when they walk through the doors, their heads instantly go up their asses and they're swallowed up in a fog. They wander aimlessly with their carts, like a highway full of drivers all drinking, texting, smoking, and eating at the same time but in slow motion.
At least 3 or 4 times, I was nearly hit head-on by an oncoming cart driver who was looking every direction except the one in which they were walking.
IDIOTS!
In comparison to the parking lot, I would say one is less likely to get seriously injured INSIDE the store, but one is still just as susceptible to being driven upon, albeit by a cart as opposed to an automobile.
In case anyone is wondering, I am overflowing with rants and complaints about Sarah Palin's hypocrisy, Obama's iffy voting record, McCain's abundance of wealth, the AIG "crisis" and our government's nearly $2 TRILLION dollar bailout for the AIG failure as well as the housing market, Lehman Brothers, etc. $2 Trillion dollars of TAX PAYER MONEY. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to privatize the profit but socialize the debt? Fuck that!!!
Are you people in DC listening to me? I write you letters all the time! I'm sick of your shit!!! Stop making bad decisions that make it harder for me to pay my bills!!!!
Local government people, I know you hear me... if you want to make it to The Hill, don't lose your ethics (if you have any) along the way. Remember we put you there and we will take you out.
To the rest of you --- VOTE!!!! Don't just vote on a single issue either. Get your ass in gear and do some reading. Turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Visit VoteSmart.org, visit their individual websites and know what they're really about.
Don't forget, if you're voting for someone because they want to smother the rights of others (for example those who are against gay rights or religious freedom); those same people will eventually turn on YOU too. A vote for freedom and equality for a person you may not necessarily like is STILL a vote for freedom and equality.
Wow. I wasn't expecting to get all preachy. Me so sorry. Won't happen again.
Watch for fall trends. I predict lots of jewel tones in fine gauge knits. Long A-line tunics, a revist to smocking and pin-tucks. The skinny jean silhouette will start showing up in cotton blend slacks, but leggings will be on the way out. Look for a major explosion in boots. Flat boots, heeled boots, leather, suede, patent, fringe, buckles, plain, knee high, short top... Boots galore. I think chunky jewelry is going to continue to stick around a while longer, and we will be wearing a little more of it. Handbags are going to sizzle in shimmery fabrics and metallic materials. Big bags are back, so make sure you're doing extra curls in the gym. Make up is going to be colorful, clean and blended. Deep rose tones on the eyes, neutral cheeks, liquid eyeliner, and a tawny lip. Extensions are out. Mia Farrow short is in.
Ohkay, gotta go.
*poof*
Anyway, there's this movie out right now with Diane "Bland" Lane and Richard "Overrated" Gere. From the commercials, I'm deducing it takes place at some beach house in San Francisco and they spend time sighing, smiling, making cheesy innuendo, making out, having a little spat, then wandering off into the surf as the sun sets in the background. LLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE.
Who makes this shit? Who spends money to produce this tripe? Who watches this? Gag me.
Mr. Buffie says people probably like them because Richard Gere is still "good looking" for his age. To quote him, "At least his face hasn't fallen off his head."
Squishy romance movies (the few I've seen anyway) aren't particularly funny, not necessarily well-acted, not suspenseful, not exciting, not anything. They're a piece of stale white bread.
Everyone talks about Ghost (remember that dreadful flick). Ohhh, it was sooo romantic. Ohhhh, Patrick Swishy. Ohhh, it was so hot. Swoon. Swoon. Sigh. The best thing about that movie was the crazy psychic lady part played by that woman with no eyebrows... Whoopie.
... Mmm... Uhh. Ohkay, so maybe that might have been the only "romantic" movie I've actually seen all the way through. So? If that's the best there is to offer, and a lot of people insist it is, then -barf-. No thanks.
Pauly Shore may not be everyone's taste and his movies are not the most productive way to spend one's time, but at least they make most people grin like an idiot. Empty calories can be good for the soul. Screw chicken soup.
On to other things.
There's this weird mo-fo who buys space in local KC papers and writes these wacko rants about squirrels living under his hat and they whisper in his ears at night. They tell him things about local politics and conspiracy strangeness, apparently. Then at random moments during these several-paragraph-long episodes of babbling, he will say something like "For the best stump removal this side of the Mississippi, call Edgar at XXX-XXXX".
Is that what LSD does to you when you get older?
His name is Skip Sleez-something. I dunno. Google him. I bet someone has said something about him before. He probably has his own hat-dwelling-woodland-critter-babble website at this point.
I hear he's filthy rich, but that he lives in an apartment above an old mini-storage building with abandoned cars all around it or something like that.
Speaking of hearing things about people---
I saw that Clay Aiken is "coming out". Like is that really necessary? Do I have to "come out" as a fat woman? Because that would be the exact same thing. People would look at me and say "duh, we already knew that". So Clay, good for you and everything, but ... duh, we already knew that.
Sorry I haven't been around a whole lot lately. I started playing water volley ball with a group of senior citizens 3 nights a week.
No. I'm genuinely not kidding.
Stop judging. They're wonderful people and it's fun. It's a good way to keep me strong and flexible. Some of the ladies don't like to get their hair wet and some of the other ladies kind of cheat and spike the ball because they know the ones who maintain dry hair won't dive for the save. I'm telling you, they don't just sit around in rocking chairs and bake cookies on Sunday. These chicks have a wee bit of attitude.
Moving right along.
I returned to Wal-Mart tonight and managed to go inside.
-inhale-----------
------------exhale-
Tuesday nights aren't so bad. It wasn't as crowded as a Saturday. But it was still bursting at the seams with creepies. Maybe I'm a creepy, too. I don't know. What I do know is that if there is something you need down a particular aisle and you know exactly where it is, that is when you will get behind the slowest walking party of 13 in the whole store. It will consist of one mom under age 22. At least 3 kids still in diapers. One auntie or grandma wearing high-waisted jeans, plain white Keds knock offs, and a teddy bear t-shirt.
Seriously, people are just oblivious. It must have something to do with mob mentality of sorts. Everyone dreads being there so badly that when they walk through the doors, their heads instantly go up their asses and they're swallowed up in a fog. They wander aimlessly with their carts, like a highway full of drivers all drinking, texting, smoking, and eating at the same time but in slow motion.
At least 3 or 4 times, I was nearly hit head-on by an oncoming cart driver who was looking every direction except the one in which they were walking.
IDIOTS!
In comparison to the parking lot, I would say one is less likely to get seriously injured INSIDE the store, but one is still just as susceptible to being driven upon, albeit by a cart as opposed to an automobile.
In case anyone is wondering, I am overflowing with rants and complaints about Sarah Palin's hypocrisy, Obama's iffy voting record, McCain's abundance of wealth, the AIG "crisis" and our government's nearly $2 TRILLION dollar bailout for the AIG failure as well as the housing market, Lehman Brothers, etc. $2 Trillion dollars of TAX PAYER MONEY. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to privatize the profit but socialize the debt? Fuck that!!!
Are you people in DC listening to me? I write you letters all the time! I'm sick of your shit!!! Stop making bad decisions that make it harder for me to pay my bills!!!!
Local government people, I know you hear me... if you want to make it to The Hill, don't lose your ethics (if you have any) along the way. Remember we put you there and we will take you out.
To the rest of you --- VOTE!!!! Don't just vote on a single issue either. Get your ass in gear and do some reading. Turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Visit VoteSmart.org, visit their individual websites and know what they're really about.
Don't forget, if you're voting for someone because they want to smother the rights of others (for example those who are against gay rights or religious freedom); those same people will eventually turn on YOU too. A vote for freedom and equality for a person you may not necessarily like is STILL a vote for freedom and equality.
Wow. I wasn't expecting to get all preachy. Me so sorry. Won't happen again.
Watch for fall trends. I predict lots of jewel tones in fine gauge knits. Long A-line tunics, a revist to smocking and pin-tucks. The skinny jean silhouette will start showing up in cotton blend slacks, but leggings will be on the way out. Look for a major explosion in boots. Flat boots, heeled boots, leather, suede, patent, fringe, buckles, plain, knee high, short top... Boots galore. I think chunky jewelry is going to continue to stick around a while longer, and we will be wearing a little more of it. Handbags are going to sizzle in shimmery fabrics and metallic materials. Big bags are back, so make sure you're doing extra curls in the gym. Make up is going to be colorful, clean and blended. Deep rose tones on the eyes, neutral cheeks, liquid eyeliner, and a tawny lip. Extensions are out. Mia Farrow short is in.
Ohkay, gotta go.
*poof*
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
She LIES! Jillian Barberie and Nutrisystem LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE! 05Aug08
How fucking dumb do the folks at Nutrisystem's ad firm think we are? That's a rehtorical question. Obviously they think we're extremely fucked up to believe their shit products actually "work".
Case in point:
Jillian Barberie is now doing the "I lost weight on Nutrisystem and YOU can too! Here's my fat 'before' picture and look at my cocaine-slim frame now!" schtick.
Here's where I have a problem. Her "BEFORE" picture was OBVIOUSLY taken while she was preganant! DUH! Her pregnancy was in the celebrity gossip rags for one thing. Plus, in the "Before" photo, she's all baby-belly. No actual "fat" is seen on her body.
She lost 40 pounds on Nutrisystem! (What she fails to mention is that she lost 18 pounds on the day she GAVE BIRTH.) I don't really know if she had assistance from the nose powder, but let's face it, that's how a lot of Hollywood achieves the whippet look.
What pandering bullshit is this anyway? Come ON Nutrisystem. Don't feed me yellow snow and tell me it's a lemon slush.
But it just goes to show how many morons in this world, in 2008, still adhere to the belief that fat people are generally stupid, lazy slobs. Here's a newsflash, stupid lazy slobs come in ALL shapes and sizes. Likewise fat people possess an array of qualities, including intelligence, motivation, cleanliness and beauty. Get with the NOW already. 2009 will be here in a matter of months. Do you really want to be the last person stumbling around in life with a bunch of tired, old, lame stereotypes clouding up your thoughts? Not saying folks have to learn to "like" big people if they don't already, but they could at least not assume we're all dumb as a sack full of hammers.
For the record, Nutrisystem's diet doesn't sound appealing at all. Even if I wanted to be skinny, I wouldn't eat that stuff. Countless people describe it as unedible, salty, horrible looking, awful tasting microwave food. Nooooo thanks. Fresh salads and running around the block sounds by far and wide like a better deal.
So that's three shove-it's in one day!
A Shove It to Nutrisystem.
A Shove It to Jilliam Barberie for allowing her pregnancy to be exploited in that way.
An earlier Shove It to the fear mongering media.
That was exhausting. Shoving is good exercise. ~winkies~
Case in point:
Jillian Barberie is now doing the "I lost weight on Nutrisystem and YOU can too! Here's my fat 'before' picture and look at my cocaine-slim frame now!" schtick.
Here's where I have a problem. Her "BEFORE" picture was OBVIOUSLY taken while she was preganant! DUH! Her pregnancy was in the celebrity gossip rags for one thing. Plus, in the "Before" photo, she's all baby-belly. No actual "fat" is seen on her body.
She lost 40 pounds on Nutrisystem! (What she fails to mention is that she lost 18 pounds on the day she GAVE BIRTH.) I don't really know if she had assistance from the nose powder, but let's face it, that's how a lot of Hollywood achieves the whippet look.
What pandering bullshit is this anyway? Come ON Nutrisystem. Don't feed me yellow snow and tell me it's a lemon slush.
But it just goes to show how many morons in this world, in 2008, still adhere to the belief that fat people are generally stupid, lazy slobs. Here's a newsflash, stupid lazy slobs come in ALL shapes and sizes. Likewise fat people possess an array of qualities, including intelligence, motivation, cleanliness and beauty. Get with the NOW already. 2009 will be here in a matter of months. Do you really want to be the last person stumbling around in life with a bunch of tired, old, lame stereotypes clouding up your thoughts? Not saying folks have to learn to "like" big people if they don't already, but they could at least not assume we're all dumb as a sack full of hammers.
For the record, Nutrisystem's diet doesn't sound appealing at all. Even if I wanted to be skinny, I wouldn't eat that stuff. Countless people describe it as unedible, salty, horrible looking, awful tasting microwave food. Nooooo thanks. Fresh salads and running around the block sounds by far and wide like a better deal.
So that's three shove-it's in one day!
A Shove It to Nutrisystem.
A Shove It to Jilliam Barberie for allowing her pregnancy to be exploited in that way.
An earlier Shove It to the fear mongering media.
That was exhausting. Shoving is good exercise. ~winkies~
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Oops Kanye Did It Again... 25Jun08
You know you're a big whiney puss when your temper tantrums make the CNN headlines. Kanye has had at LEAST 3 or 4 of these by now. He's such a prima donna, I fully expect to see him featured on the next VH1 Divas Live.
This time, it's everyone else's fault that his show was a couple hours late going on. He's the lone genius, surrounded by idiots who have offended him beyond the outer most edges of his tolerance. The tragedy! The pain! The despair! Poor rich boy's demands not met on timely basis, world comes to halt. Is that how you think it works Kanye?
Listen this time, because I don't like repeating myself... there are people in this world with REAL problems. You are not one of those people. When YOU have a problem, you throw your pocket change at it and the problem disappears or becomes some under-paid assistant's problem. When someone like ME has a problem, I sure as shit don't get my own hissy fit featured on CNN. Nope. But I DO get to cry to my mum on the phone for a little bit, only for her to tell me to suck it up and deal with it.
See how simple that is? Now, as you've been told before, please go pine, whine and complain in the privacy of your island vacation home on a white sand beach somewhere in the south Pacific. For shame.
I have a Subway update. Got a form-letter apology in my email today. Here it is...
"Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dear Mrs S:
Thank you for taking the time to share your comments.
We were sorry to hear that you were offended by one of our recent television
commercials. We can assure you that no harm was intended and we apologize
for causing you concern.
The SUBWAYR Advertising Department works with a Board of Trustees, as well
as a national advertising agency and several local advertising agencies, to
develop national advertising that tells customers about our great products.
In addition, all of our ads are tested with numerous consumers before they
are aired to ensure that the overall reactions to the commercials are
positive. Our ads are meant to be fun and humorous and it was never our
intention to offend.
As a leader in the sandwich-making industry, we want sub-lovers everywhere
to know that SUBWAYR is dedicated to the concerned citizens that have helped
us grow our business. Again, thank you for taking the time to express your
views. Your input and concern is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rosemary Crispin x8201
Customer Care Representative
Customer ID:XXXXXXXXX"
First of all, I must wonder if this Rosemary Crispin is a real human or just some Subway practice of assigning different people names to their automated apology letter email servers.
Second, using Subway's reasoning that if it's said in humor then it's alright, we could say well, I know the joke was bigoted, but it was funny so you shouldn't be offended and if you are, I'm sorry, so we're cool right? Great, now buy my shit.
OR... we could use their focus-group reasoning. Mr. Subway Ad Guy has a meeting and he says, "Let's see, we want to make an ad that talks major smack on gay people. Good, good. Yes that sounds good. Alright, before we proceed, we need to run this by a focus group. Do you think those folks from the Westboro Church in Topeka are busy? Someone get Phelps on the phone for me."
I think I've proved my point, Subway. You're fucked up and not funny. Just admit it. Don't blow smoke up my ass with your I'm-sorry-but-I-was-only-trying-to-be-funny-and-besides-the-focus-group-said-it-was-good-and-did-I-forget-to-mention-we-bribed-them-with-money. Save it. Save your effing sammiches, too. I hope they all get old and moldy and I hope your marketing people all wake up tomorrow with one leg shorter than the other and hair growing where it shouldn't be. HA!
This time, it's everyone else's fault that his show was a couple hours late going on. He's the lone genius, surrounded by idiots who have offended him beyond the outer most edges of his tolerance. The tragedy! The pain! The despair! Poor rich boy's demands not met on timely basis, world comes to halt. Is that how you think it works Kanye?
Listen this time, because I don't like repeating myself... there are people in this world with REAL problems. You are not one of those people. When YOU have a problem, you throw your pocket change at it and the problem disappears or becomes some under-paid assistant's problem. When someone like ME has a problem, I sure as shit don't get my own hissy fit featured on CNN. Nope. But I DO get to cry to my mum on the phone for a little bit, only for her to tell me to suck it up and deal with it.
See how simple that is? Now, as you've been told before, please go pine, whine and complain in the privacy of your island vacation home on a white sand beach somewhere in the south Pacific. For shame.
I have a Subway update. Got a form-letter apology in my email today. Here it is...
"Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dear Mrs S:
Thank you for taking the time to share your comments.
We were sorry to hear that you were offended by one of our recent television
commercials. We can assure you that no harm was intended and we apologize
for causing you concern.
The SUBWAYR Advertising Department works with a Board of Trustees, as well
as a national advertising agency and several local advertising agencies, to
develop national advertising that tells customers about our great products.
In addition, all of our ads are tested with numerous consumers before they
are aired to ensure that the overall reactions to the commercials are
positive. Our ads are meant to be fun and humorous and it was never our
intention to offend.
As a leader in the sandwich-making industry, we want sub-lovers everywhere
to know that SUBWAYR is dedicated to the concerned citizens that have helped
us grow our business. Again, thank you for taking the time to express your
views. Your input and concern is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rosemary Crispin x8201
Customer Care Representative
Customer ID:XXXXXXXXX"
First of all, I must wonder if this Rosemary Crispin is a real human or just some Subway practice of assigning different people names to their automated apology letter email servers.
Second, using Subway's reasoning that if it's said in humor then it's alright, we could say well, I know the joke was bigoted, but it was funny so you shouldn't be offended and if you are, I'm sorry, so we're cool right? Great, now buy my shit.
OR... we could use their focus-group reasoning. Mr. Subway Ad Guy has a meeting and he says, "Let's see, we want to make an ad that talks major smack on gay people. Good, good. Yes that sounds good. Alright, before we proceed, we need to run this by a focus group. Do you think those folks from the Westboro Church in Topeka are busy? Someone get Phelps on the phone for me."
I think I've proved my point, Subway. You're fucked up and not funny. Just admit it. Don't blow smoke up my ass with your I'm-sorry-but-I-was-only-trying-to-be-funny-and-besides-the-focus-group-said-it-was-good-and-did-I-forget-to-mention-we-bribed-them-with-money. Save it. Save your effing sammiches, too. I hope they all get old and moldy and I hope your marketing people all wake up tomorrow with one leg shorter than the other and hair growing where it shouldn't be. HA!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Rock of Love is a delightful slut-fest. Why do I watch this junk!?!? 22Apr08
Got fished in, totally fished in by the VH1. Happens all the time. It's like they have spies in my brain. Ohhh... Rock of Love. All my heart to Poison, because they spent a great deal of time in my CD player and still do, but not as often, too many choices these days. This show is a tour bus full of painted valley hookers on parade. It's nothing but lip gloss, plastic, and the unidentifiable ick around the edges of the hot tub. And I can't seem to stop watching. The shame I feel.
Mr. Buffie is a very lucky son of a gun. He's totally passed out on the sofa right now.
Post-fried-chicken-food-coma. It's a common occurrence in American males over the age of 35.
He was very busy doing my biddng all weekend. I have new mulch (it's red!) and new plants and some iris that will soon bloom.
Hey, do any of you know if mulch is bad? I talked to Misse on the phone tonight. Anyway, she said mulch was supposed to be bad, but she couldn't remember if that
was a fact or suburban legend. eeek ))Worried! ((
Bugs, gross.
Is it against the law to bribe a sky cap? I kind of assumed that was why they were really there. These aren't simply kind, smiling gentlemen who help you unload your car and never complain when your license gets stuck in your wallet. Those guys are
there to make a dime, yeah duh. I mean, everyone knows extra tips earn you some extra liberties. That's the American Way. Those who can afford DO and
those who can't afford POUT. -pout- It was ok to bribe in the days before the TSA clearly. Two big, heavy bags and two carry ons, plus
a purse, a camera and a paper shopping bag. That's
how much I took with me then and that's how
much I WOULD take if I still could without the want of mailing half of it ahead of time and tipping the
@$%^^&* sky cap and extra $100 bucks and flashing a little more boob than is probably really legal in public.
I just saw the dumbest commercial ever... these
sisters get into a fight on this reality show and the announcer is all dramatic like this is the first
sister fight ever in history. Whatever! I don't even have siblings and I know about those fights. Duh.
Everyone does.
Ohkay, what the hell is going on with all these line breaks? Screw this. I'm not fixing all that! Pfft. Geez. MySpace has more fricking technical gremlins than boat load of classic European cars.
Poo on MySpace. Besides, there's a bug in this room and it's huge and flying and I think I need to find another room to be in because fearless bug killer guy is asleep on the couch!!!! Aaaaak!
Mr. Buffie is a very lucky son of a gun. He's totally passed out on the sofa right now.
Post-fried-chicken-food-coma. It's a common occurrence in American males over the age of 35.
He was very busy doing my biddng all weekend. I have new mulch (it's red!) and new plants and some iris that will soon bloom.
Hey, do any of you know if mulch is bad? I talked to Misse on the phone tonight. Anyway, she said mulch was supposed to be bad, but she couldn't remember if that
was a fact or suburban legend. eeek ))Worried! ((
Bugs, gross.
Is it against the law to bribe a sky cap? I kind of assumed that was why they were really there. These aren't simply kind, smiling gentlemen who help you unload your car and never complain when your license gets stuck in your wallet. Those guys are
there to make a dime, yeah duh. I mean, everyone knows extra tips earn you some extra liberties. That's the American Way. Those who can afford DO and
those who can't afford POUT. -pout- It was ok to bribe in the days before the TSA clearly. Two big, heavy bags and two carry ons, plus
a purse, a camera and a paper shopping bag. That's
how much I took with me then and that's how
much I WOULD take if I still could without the want of mailing half of it ahead of time and tipping the
@$%^^&* sky cap and extra $100 bucks and flashing a little more boob than is probably really legal in public.
I just saw the dumbest commercial ever... these
sisters get into a fight on this reality show and the announcer is all dramatic like this is the first
sister fight ever in history. Whatever! I don't even have siblings and I know about those fights. Duh.
Everyone does.
Ohkay, what the hell is going on with all these line breaks? Screw this. I'm not fixing all that! Pfft. Geez. MySpace has more fricking technical gremlins than boat load of classic European cars.
Poo on MySpace. Besides, there's a bug in this room and it's huge and flying and I think I need to find another room to be in because fearless bug killer guy is asleep on the couch!!!! Aaaaak!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Caught in the act. 13Nov07
I'm busted. Watching junk TV again. This time it was Life in the Fab Lane with Kimora Lee Simmons.
At first, I wanted to like it because she's like a big Barbie doll. You want to brush her hair and borrow her earrings.
But NO. I don't like it and it kinda bums me out. She's grumpy. I mean really grumpy. And she's scary. Cute girls are not supposed to act like that. They're supposed to be fun and nice and silly. She has rare fits of silly which are swiftly and often interrupted by bad trips down Crabby Nag Diva lane.
She makes crazy demands on this real-estate guy who spends most of his time on camera looking terrified of her. If there were a little 'thought bubble' over his head, it would say something like "Please lady, don't twist it /completely/ off." Poor schmo.
She yells a lot and complains complains complains complains. When did it become vogue to have luxury cars, mansions, expansive closets dripping in designer labels and act like life is just soooooooooooooo impossibly hard. Oh boo hoo. The plight of the celebrities! It's heartbreaking!
She's a mom. Uh huh. So are about a jilliondy other women on this planet. Having reproduced isn't license to push around friends and associates. What was up with being like 5 hours late for a photo shoot? People who do that sort of thing in the regular joe world get fired. Having a buttload of money and nice swag doesn't make a person too good to act respectfully, responsibly, or patient and tolerant of other people. Is it just the way the show is editied? Maybe she is super polite and stuff but they just show her joking around and you don't know she's kidding? Could that be it?
I don't know, either way, I don't want to watch it any more because it's a total buzzkill and watching junk TV isn't supposed to be a downer.
And don't get me wrong. I like celebrities as much as anyone else. Their movies and TV shows and magazine fodder are a nice distraction from 'real life'. But it's WAY more of a good time to see celebrities having a blast than it is to watch them moan and groan and fuss. If I wan't to see a shitty attitude, I'll go spend a day with some sullen teenagers.
Now *I'm* the one who's complaining! Oh no! See? See what you've done, Kimora??? It's a vicious circle! Must ... break ... away!
My little kitty was talking (meowing) in her sleep just now. Precious! So precious! It's also squeaky cute when she yawns in the middle of a meow. It comes out meyawwwwwn! Charo likes to talk on the phone with Misse and Gwen. I think she talked to Lisa, too. And she talks to my mum. She sees me on the phone and she will say "MAOW!" Charo doesn't mee-oww. She MAOWs. It's L O U D too. MAOW! One time, Mr. Buffie and I looked for cat videos and sounds on YouTube because we were trying to find cats that sounded like Whimsey (little scratchy oww) and Charo (MAOW). The closest we got was a Siamese who said MEAOW! Whimsey's voice is pretty unique. It's a very quiet and sweet sounding oww. The irony being that Whimsey is the mess-you-up-like-knife-warrior cat and Charo is the snuggle-you-all-over cat.
=)
I'm rambling. =) again.
At first, I wanted to like it because she's like a big Barbie doll. You want to brush her hair and borrow her earrings.
But NO. I don't like it and it kinda bums me out. She's grumpy. I mean really grumpy. And she's scary. Cute girls are not supposed to act like that. They're supposed to be fun and nice and silly. She has rare fits of silly which are swiftly and often interrupted by bad trips down Crabby Nag Diva lane.
She makes crazy demands on this real-estate guy who spends most of his time on camera looking terrified of her. If there were a little 'thought bubble' over his head, it would say something like "Please lady, don't twist it /completely/ off." Poor schmo.
She yells a lot and complains complains complains complains. When did it become vogue to have luxury cars, mansions, expansive closets dripping in designer labels and act like life is just soooooooooooooo impossibly hard. Oh boo hoo. The plight of the celebrities! It's heartbreaking!
She's a mom. Uh huh. So are about a jilliondy other women on this planet. Having reproduced isn't license to push around friends and associates. What was up with being like 5 hours late for a photo shoot? People who do that sort of thing in the regular joe world get fired. Having a buttload of money and nice swag doesn't make a person too good to act respectfully, responsibly, or patient and tolerant of other people. Is it just the way the show is editied? Maybe she is super polite and stuff but they just show her joking around and you don't know she's kidding? Could that be it?
I don't know, either way, I don't want to watch it any more because it's a total buzzkill and watching junk TV isn't supposed to be a downer.
And don't get me wrong. I like celebrities as much as anyone else. Their movies and TV shows and magazine fodder are a nice distraction from 'real life'. But it's WAY more of a good time to see celebrities having a blast than it is to watch them moan and groan and fuss. If I wan't to see a shitty attitude, I'll go spend a day with some sullen teenagers.
Now *I'm* the one who's complaining! Oh no! See? See what you've done, Kimora??? It's a vicious circle! Must ... break ... away!
My little kitty was talking (meowing) in her sleep just now. Precious! So precious! It's also squeaky cute when she yawns in the middle of a meow. It comes out meyawwwwwn! Charo likes to talk on the phone with Misse and Gwen. I think she talked to Lisa, too. And she talks to my mum. She sees me on the phone and she will say "MAOW!" Charo doesn't mee-oww. She MAOWs. It's L O U D too. MAOW! One time, Mr. Buffie and I looked for cat videos and sounds on YouTube because we were trying to find cats that sounded like Whimsey (little scratchy oww) and Charo (MAOW). The closest we got was a Siamese who said MEAOW! Whimsey's voice is pretty unique. It's a very quiet and sweet sounding oww. The irony being that Whimsey is the mess-you-up-like-knife-warrior cat and Charo is the snuggle-you-all-over cat.
=)
I'm rambling. =) again.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Do I have road rage? 15Oct07
I'm driving with my friend, who is a fair and balanced and rational and grounded person, and this teenage bitch in some car-payment-mobile is riding my ass.
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
Monday, October 8, 2007
We can smell our own. 08Oct07
Phobics are such a trip. I can say that because I'm phobic. Kinda like it's ohkay for fat people to make fat jokes. We come from a place of understanding and there's heart in our humor... not hate.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Egg Salad Rant 03Oct07
The following prose is entitled "The Egg Salad Rant" and it is reprinted here with permission from the author, me, and was originally sent to Mr. Buffie via email on 24 September 2007. I'm putting it here because 1, Mr. Buffie tells everyone about it anyway, which is stupid. And 2, one of those people he told is the creepy type who steals other people's stupid and pretends it's their own stupid. Is that not fecking stupid?
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dear Kanye... stop whining. 17Sept07
This is from my Dims post... Just wanted to share it here, too...
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Friday, September 8, 2006
Do they have rehab for pop-culture addicts? 08Sept06
I'm worried. I watch way too much MTV and E! and VH1 and A&E... I almost don't watch anything else. Am I addicted to celebrity gossip? Second opinion, anyone?
Speaking of stuff we like... I like the new Nelly Furtado song and the new Christina Aguilera song and the All-American Rejects for sure... and AFI (but they're not exactly new) and I've been a fan of Ok GO since I first heard them in '03 and their new video where they're dancing with the treadmills, fucking rad!
Some people that I used to like are getting on my nerves though, like Beyonce. Not a fan of her new song. I'm way tired of Fall Out Boy. What is UP with that singer's hat? I'm not crazy about that hat on him. It looks like it possibly smells funny. Greasy. Ick.
The Pussycat Dolls are genius. Like real-life Barbies. It's great! When are they going to have Pussycat *dolls*? Y'know, like the Spice-Girl dolls (not nearly as fabulous, but still fun).
Misse is on her way over with vodka and chocolate. ~Grins~ Slumber party! Wheee!
Speaking of stuff we like... I like the new Nelly Furtado song and the new Christina Aguilera song and the All-American Rejects for sure... and AFI (but they're not exactly new) and I've been a fan of Ok GO since I first heard them in '03 and their new video where they're dancing with the treadmills, fucking rad!
Some people that I used to like are getting on my nerves though, like Beyonce. Not a fan of her new song. I'm way tired of Fall Out Boy. What is UP with that singer's hat? I'm not crazy about that hat on him. It looks like it possibly smells funny. Greasy. Ick.
The Pussycat Dolls are genius. Like real-life Barbies. It's great! When are they going to have Pussycat *dolls*? Y'know, like the Spice-Girl dolls (not nearly as fabulous, but still fun).
Misse is on her way over with vodka and chocolate. ~Grins~ Slumber party! Wheee!
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