I'm driving with my friend, who is a fair and balanced and rational and grounded person, and this teenage bitch in some car-payment-mobile is riding my ass.
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Larry Flynt said... 14Oct07
''The United States is the strongest country not because it's the biggest or richest, but because it's the freest.''
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
Monday, October 8, 2007
We can smell our own. 08Oct07
Phobics are such a trip. I can say that because I'm phobic. Kinda like it's ohkay for fat people to make fat jokes. We come from a place of understanding and there's heart in our humor... not hate.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Egg Salad Rant 03Oct07
The following prose is entitled "The Egg Salad Rant" and it is reprinted here with permission from the author, me, and was originally sent to Mr. Buffie via email on 24 September 2007. I'm putting it here because 1, Mr. Buffie tells everyone about it anyway, which is stupid. And 2, one of those people he told is the creepy type who steals other people's stupid and pretends it's their own stupid. Is that not fecking stupid?
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
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