If mood swings were amusement park rides, I would be more fun than Disney World.
Thursday was awesome. Friday I felt so... judged. -shudder- It was like high school all over again.
Have I ever mentioned how fucking awful high school was?
Back then, I didn't understand how much those people would ultimately not matter to me. It's not that I wanted them to like me and it's not that I agreed with their opinions of me. I just wanted them to leave me alone. To me, it wasn't asking for the world but I wanted so badly to be invisible to them. I figured people couldn't effectively attack what they didn't know was there.
They hated me for being fat. Put me down. Told me I should hate myself for it. Told me I needed to lose weight, change how I looked, change how I dressed, blah blah blah... They did it every single fucking day. Even physically assaulted me from time to time. Pushing me down, knocking my books out of my hands. They taught me how to hate, that is for sure.
Yesterday, I told a friend about going to my first HS reunion and how I never planned on going until Mr. Buffie talked me into and I just resisted the whole way there. Only stayed for 45 minutes, but in that time I learned a lot.
Yesterday, I told a friend about going to my first HS reunion and how I never planned on going until Mr. Buffie talked me into and I just resisted the whole way there. Only stayed for 45 minutes, but in that time I learned a lot.
I learned that the people who really went out of their ways to treat me like shit were living miserable pathetic lives. Makes sense, they were miserable and pathetic in high school and zebras don't tend to change their stripes.
I also learned that we underdogs moved on and were stronger for surviving the experience. Seemed like most of us geeks, nerds and dorks are doing just fine.
The attempts to bring us down by the miserable, cruel and hateful ones didn't have much success. For me, it was motivation to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible and get on with life in a world where they didn't exist.
So far my plan is working. Hee hee hee.
Heads up to you "popular" mean kids in high school, those of you who think you're so damn cool and get a bang out of humiliating your less-than-trendy classmates ... enjoy it now because after graduation, it's all downhill for you. Next time you're at the gas station, take a good look at the person selling you cigarettes with your fake ID. That's you in 1 to 4 years and it will continue to be you until you die of loneliness or go to prison for your 5th DUI or defaulting on your child support, whichever comes first. If I were you (and I'm glad I'm not and never was) I'd be a little nicer rather than suffer the wrath that karma is going to rain down on your designer knock-off ass later.
Today I don't feel judged anymore. LoLz Glad that passed. Guess a distant memory came back to haunt me for a second and now it's gone. Eventually it won't even be a memory because if I keep trying really hard, I will someday kill those particular brain cells with prescription meds and lots of alcohol. Kidding! Only kidding. You guys know I don't drink that much. Ha!
