14 - Number of family & friends in attendance.
13 - Times I loaded/unloaded the dishwasher.5 - Nights we ate some sort of leftovers.
4 - Days of vacation spent at home working my ass off.
2 - Trips to World Market for chocolate and cheap wine.
1 - Attempt by 70-year-old father-in-law to demonstrate the "Moon Walk" which he referred to as the "Mars Walk."
Things we learned:
Parents will still chirp in your lobes about making your bed even if you haven't lived with them in over a decade.
Do NOT get in between dad and ice cream from Glacé unless you want to know what it's like to be run over by a city bus.
You can make pancakes but they'll never be as good as the ones your mum makes.
Cats can and do hold a grudge and will barf out of spite if your visitors fuck up their routine.
Apparently my family does not believe in Thanksgiving dinner without some kind of Jell-O "salad."
Old people typically don't quote from "Anchorman" so threatening to punch an annoying male family member in the ovary may cause your relatives to question your sanity and/or sobriety. Explain nothing, it only makes it worse.
It is safer to wander the streets unarmed and alone during a zombie apocalypse than it is to go ANYWHERE during Black Friday.
And some of you wonder why I call it X-Mess?
