Have you seen that Bowflex commercial? No, not that one. The one with the pug-faced smug guy who talks about his wife "giving him that little wink"...
That guy... if that's how he acts in person... geezus. Hi. Buy a Bowflex and you can be an asshole just like me!
He says "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends" all high-and-mighty like. WHATEVER. Dude, if that's how you really are, I *strongly* doubt you have ANY friends, fat, thin or otherwise.
Sheesh. Who was the marketing genius behind THAT ad?
Hellllooooo, gym and diet and work-out advertising people, if you want folks to buy your products and shit... like, I dunno... say fat people... If you want fat people to spend their hard earned cash on your junk, perhaps start out by NOT insulting them in your commercials? Just a suggestion. Y'all seem to do that a lot.
Hey you. You suck. Come spend money on my shit or else I'll spit in your eye and call your momma names!
Mmmhmmm, that's the way to win folks over. You Madison Avenue people clearly have it alllll figured out.
Gah!
(I know... another fat-rant. Hey, write what you know. That's the saying, yes? Besides, it's more fun than crying to everyone about how I don't have an MTV award or having a cow about Brangelina's baby-buying spree.)
But... speaking of celebrities. It's another time of year when I fear drunk drivers more than usual. In case you didn't know, I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE drunk drivers. I hate even more the drunk drivers who have easy access to alternatives, such as taxis, buses or sober friends but don't make good use of them.
Then there are celebrity drunk drivers. ALL OF YOU DESERVE TO BE IN JAIL.
Paris, Britney, Lindsey, that Kardashian sister and all their privileged friends not only have TONS of money for cab fare or a limo, they have enough money to HIRE A CHAUFFER permanently. Celebrities don't have to drive ANYWHERE if they don't want to and they sure as fuck don't "have" to drive drunk or high or loaded on Valium.
I don't give a shit about your Bently, your pocket-size great dane, your Jimmy Choos or your Fendi bag. Those things don't make you a nice person or a smart person and money can't buy you a good soul. You're spoiled ignorant hookers and any one of you should spend a day in my life or the life of one of my friends and see what it's like to work a long effing day, get paid in peanuts, drive home in a car with mis-matched tires or squeaking belts, have to clean your own kitchen, check your own mail or wipe your own ass. OH... and NOT drive while under the influence. Gee... if we mere simple peasants can do it, why can't you?
Driving drunk is lame and dangerous and if you live in Kansas City and you can't pull your head out of your butt long enough to figure out a way to drink WITHOUT getting behind the wheel, use Grab A Cab from EAP. Unlike me, these people take pity on your stupid ass and they will reimburse your cab fare for doing the right thing by NOT driving yourself home. Ask your employer if your company participates in EAP.
Since I'm not a total Scrooge (well, mostly but not completely) I would like to say - HAPPY Holidays!
Please be safe and beware of morons in SUVs. I care about y'all and want you to enjoy your festivities!
Eat lots of good stuff, give your friends and family TONS of hugs, volunteer for something close to your heart and stay warm!
Jingle!
~Buffie
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
The Curse 04Dec07
2007 has NOT been kind to Buffie.
I started the year with the mysterious loss of a toenail. (Alright, it wasn't that mysterious. I tripped over a shoe sneaking to the potty in the middle of the night and broke it, but didn't know it until the next day.)
Then... I got SARS followed by bird flu, then monkey pox. That's how it felt anyway. Turns out it was just a vicious case of bronchitis and I was starting to develop pneumonia. Thankfully my immune system woke itself up and fought back before I totally succumbed to the nasties.
THEN... I drop a HOT curling iron down my shirt. Burned the fucking hell out of my left booby. How much did that suck? You have no idea.
It gets better... a couple days after the curling iron scar starts to heal, I break a toe! I effing BROKE my toe. WTF! It was exactly how people say, too. You think you have stubbed it really bad, but then you look down and it's pointing the wrong way and the horror sets in about the same time the pain does. Geezus. Mr. Buffie picked up my foot, very carefully examined my toe and without warning he grabbed it and pulled it straight. Pretty sure the neighbors 3 blocks away heard me squeal. That was some wicked pain. The days after were fascinating, watching it turn so many shades of purple, green, blue, red and yellow. Fascinating and disgusting. Walking was OK, but there were no heels in my wardrobe for weeks. Blah! It's also true what they say that you can't do anything for a broken toe. I called my doc and she said if it was straight, the best she could do would be to tape it to my other toes and send me on my way... Hells bells, I could do that myself.
Then I got sick again... this time it was a different strain of 3rd world disease all coming together in my sinuses to make me wish I were dead. Completely unfair.
Sold my Jaguar. Made me sad for a while because that was the fucking sweetest ride I'll ever have. Nigel was a kickass car. However, Nigel was starting to make a strange noise. We could never figure out what it was. Strange noises in British cars mean cubic dollars spent on parts and labor only for a new strange noise to develop two months later. Time to go back to American automobiles. Got me a damn fine Z28 and named him Billy Idol. But what do I discover after having him for a month? There's a DEAD SPIDER -INSIDE- my instrument panel. Did you know the front glass on the instrument panel cannot be removed? It can't. Not without removing the entire dash. Yes, the whole goddamned enchilada. There's a dead motherfucking spider stuck right under my oil pressure gauge. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Had an abscess in my lower jaw in June. Not my idea of a good time. Had some x-rays done and the dentist thought it was just some freak thing we would 'keep an eye on' but felt like antibiotics would do the trick. They did... but it hurt like hell in the meantime. Blah!
Found a great house... moved in July. JULY. July in Missouri is like being in an oven with a pot of water. Humid, hot and no damn wind at all. Moving in July is punishment for crimes I must have committed in a former life because this is the 3rd time I've done it.
Developed a nice case of chronic hives in August. Doc can't figure it out. Allergist can't figure it out. Holistic healer guru can't figure it out. They all strongly suspect I'm allergic to the shrimps. No one loves the shrimps more than I love the shrimps. But now I cannot eat the shrimps. I think the shrimps did this to me. It was shrimp revenge. They feared I would eat them ALL. Here's a warning to you shrimps! If I ever find out the cause of my red itchy welts, and it ISN'T a seafood allergy, you better run and hide because I'll be on you like a Buffie on shrimps! HA!
Moving right along... things at work are in a constant state of chaos. My boss, who was the most awesome individual ever and the best boss I will ever have in my life, quit unexpectedly. I stand behind her decision, but I'm so very sad. Things are just wrong around there without her. Completely wrong. She is missed every day.
Went in for my dreaded annual mammogram. Having one's boobs smashed mercilessly in a torture device invented by Satan himself is something a woman shouldn't have to endure EVER, but because God is clearly a man and secretly hates us all, we get to do this crap on a yearly basis! Just like a birthday, only shitty! Yay! What happens next? The radiologist thinks there's something in one of my films, so I get to go back a few weeks later and have it done AGAIN! Oh the joy! The happiness! What a thrill! What was it? Turned out to be nothing. I'm glad for that, don't misunderstand me... but since I had an extra one this year, can I skip it next year? Please?
In case my feet haven't been through enough this year, I break ANOTHER TOE recently. Yes, another one!!! Same foot, different toe. What is WRONG with me? This time it was in broad daylight and I tripped over a chair. Maybe my boobs blocked me from seeing it or else I have inner-ear balance issues, but I totally snagged myself on a chair. I'm special.
To top it all off, last week, dental surgery. No, I'm not kidding! Molar extraction! Came out of no where!!! I was having some pain in a tooth where I had undergone a root canal about a year before... same one that abscessed in June. We know why it abscessed now... root was cracked so the root canal never fully healed at all. 2007 has clamied a Buffie toe nail AND a Buffie tooth. That's fucked up.
2008, you can't get here soon enough! Please hurry!!! I'm scared I'll wake up missing a nostril or something awful like that.
Oh... 2007... fuck you!
I started the year with the mysterious loss of a toenail. (Alright, it wasn't that mysterious. I tripped over a shoe sneaking to the potty in the middle of the night and broke it, but didn't know it until the next day.)
Then... I got SARS followed by bird flu, then monkey pox. That's how it felt anyway. Turns out it was just a vicious case of bronchitis and I was starting to develop pneumonia. Thankfully my immune system woke itself up and fought back before I totally succumbed to the nasties.
THEN... I drop a HOT curling iron down my shirt. Burned the fucking hell out of my left booby. How much did that suck? You have no idea.
It gets better... a couple days after the curling iron scar starts to heal, I break a toe! I effing BROKE my toe. WTF! It was exactly how people say, too. You think you have stubbed it really bad, but then you look down and it's pointing the wrong way and the horror sets in about the same time the pain does. Geezus. Mr. Buffie picked up my foot, very carefully examined my toe and without warning he grabbed it and pulled it straight. Pretty sure the neighbors 3 blocks away heard me squeal. That was some wicked pain. The days after were fascinating, watching it turn so many shades of purple, green, blue, red and yellow. Fascinating and disgusting. Walking was OK, but there were no heels in my wardrobe for weeks. Blah! It's also true what they say that you can't do anything for a broken toe. I called my doc and she said if it was straight, the best she could do would be to tape it to my other toes and send me on my way... Hells bells, I could do that myself.
Then I got sick again... this time it was a different strain of 3rd world disease all coming together in my sinuses to make me wish I were dead. Completely unfair.
Sold my Jaguar. Made me sad for a while because that was the fucking sweetest ride I'll ever have. Nigel was a kickass car. However, Nigel was starting to make a strange noise. We could never figure out what it was. Strange noises in British cars mean cubic dollars spent on parts and labor only for a new strange noise to develop two months later. Time to go back to American automobiles. Got me a damn fine Z28 and named him Billy Idol. But what do I discover after having him for a month? There's a DEAD SPIDER -INSIDE- my instrument panel. Did you know the front glass on the instrument panel cannot be removed? It can't. Not without removing the entire dash. Yes, the whole goddamned enchilada. There's a dead motherfucking spider stuck right under my oil pressure gauge. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Had an abscess in my lower jaw in June. Not my idea of a good time. Had some x-rays done and the dentist thought it was just some freak thing we would 'keep an eye on' but felt like antibiotics would do the trick. They did... but it hurt like hell in the meantime. Blah!
Found a great house... moved in July. JULY. July in Missouri is like being in an oven with a pot of water. Humid, hot and no damn wind at all. Moving in July is punishment for crimes I must have committed in a former life because this is the 3rd time I've done it.
Developed a nice case of chronic hives in August. Doc can't figure it out. Allergist can't figure it out. Holistic healer guru can't figure it out. They all strongly suspect I'm allergic to the shrimps. No one loves the shrimps more than I love the shrimps. But now I cannot eat the shrimps. I think the shrimps did this to me. It was shrimp revenge. They feared I would eat them ALL. Here's a warning to you shrimps! If I ever find out the cause of my red itchy welts, and it ISN'T a seafood allergy, you better run and hide because I'll be on you like a Buffie on shrimps! HA!
Moving right along... things at work are in a constant state of chaos. My boss, who was the most awesome individual ever and the best boss I will ever have in my life, quit unexpectedly. I stand behind her decision, but I'm so very sad. Things are just wrong around there without her. Completely wrong. She is missed every day.
Went in for my dreaded annual mammogram. Having one's boobs smashed mercilessly in a torture device invented by Satan himself is something a woman shouldn't have to endure EVER, but because God is clearly a man and secretly hates us all, we get to do this crap on a yearly basis! Just like a birthday, only shitty! Yay! What happens next? The radiologist thinks there's something in one of my films, so I get to go back a few weeks later and have it done AGAIN! Oh the joy! The happiness! What a thrill! What was it? Turned out to be nothing. I'm glad for that, don't misunderstand me... but since I had an extra one this year, can I skip it next year? Please?
In case my feet haven't been through enough this year, I break ANOTHER TOE recently. Yes, another one!!! Same foot, different toe. What is WRONG with me? This time it was in broad daylight and I tripped over a chair. Maybe my boobs blocked me from seeing it or else I have inner-ear balance issues, but I totally snagged myself on a chair. I'm special.
To top it all off, last week, dental surgery. No, I'm not kidding! Molar extraction! Came out of no where!!! I was having some pain in a tooth where I had undergone a root canal about a year before... same one that abscessed in June. We know why it abscessed now... root was cracked so the root canal never fully healed at all. 2007 has clamied a Buffie toe nail AND a Buffie tooth. That's fucked up.
2008, you can't get here soon enough! Please hurry!!! I'm scared I'll wake up missing a nostril or something awful like that.
Oh... 2007... fuck you!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Mr. Buffie Says... 14Nov07
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
~gigglesgigglesgiggles~
Advice for the day...
Watch David Lynch films at your own risk. It's two hours of your life you will NOT get back.
~gigglesgigglesgiggles~
Advice for the day...
Watch David Lynch films at your own risk. It's two hours of your life you will NOT get back.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Caught in the act. 13Nov07
I'm busted. Watching junk TV again. This time it was Life in the Fab Lane with Kimora Lee Simmons.
At first, I wanted to like it because she's like a big Barbie doll. You want to brush her hair and borrow her earrings.
But NO. I don't like it and it kinda bums me out. She's grumpy. I mean really grumpy. And she's scary. Cute girls are not supposed to act like that. They're supposed to be fun and nice and silly. She has rare fits of silly which are swiftly and often interrupted by bad trips down Crabby Nag Diva lane.
She makes crazy demands on this real-estate guy who spends most of his time on camera looking terrified of her. If there were a little 'thought bubble' over his head, it would say something like "Please lady, don't twist it /completely/ off." Poor schmo.
She yells a lot and complains complains complains complains. When did it become vogue to have luxury cars, mansions, expansive closets dripping in designer labels and act like life is just soooooooooooooo impossibly hard. Oh boo hoo. The plight of the celebrities! It's heartbreaking!
She's a mom. Uh huh. So are about a jilliondy other women on this planet. Having reproduced isn't license to push around friends and associates. What was up with being like 5 hours late for a photo shoot? People who do that sort of thing in the regular joe world get fired. Having a buttload of money and nice swag doesn't make a person too good to act respectfully, responsibly, or patient and tolerant of other people. Is it just the way the show is editied? Maybe she is super polite and stuff but they just show her joking around and you don't know she's kidding? Could that be it?
I don't know, either way, I don't want to watch it any more because it's a total buzzkill and watching junk TV isn't supposed to be a downer.
And don't get me wrong. I like celebrities as much as anyone else. Their movies and TV shows and magazine fodder are a nice distraction from 'real life'. But it's WAY more of a good time to see celebrities having a blast than it is to watch them moan and groan and fuss. If I wan't to see a shitty attitude, I'll go spend a day with some sullen teenagers.
Now *I'm* the one who's complaining! Oh no! See? See what you've done, Kimora??? It's a vicious circle! Must ... break ... away!
My little kitty was talking (meowing) in her sleep just now. Precious! So precious! It's also squeaky cute when she yawns in the middle of a meow. It comes out meyawwwwwn! Charo likes to talk on the phone with Misse and Gwen. I think she talked to Lisa, too. And she talks to my mum. She sees me on the phone and she will say "MAOW!" Charo doesn't mee-oww. She MAOWs. It's L O U D too. MAOW! One time, Mr. Buffie and I looked for cat videos and sounds on YouTube because we were trying to find cats that sounded like Whimsey (little scratchy oww) and Charo (MAOW). The closest we got was a Siamese who said MEAOW! Whimsey's voice is pretty unique. It's a very quiet and sweet sounding oww. The irony being that Whimsey is the mess-you-up-like-knife-warrior cat and Charo is the snuggle-you-all-over cat.
=)
I'm rambling. =) again.
At first, I wanted to like it because she's like a big Barbie doll. You want to brush her hair and borrow her earrings.
But NO. I don't like it and it kinda bums me out. She's grumpy. I mean really grumpy. And she's scary. Cute girls are not supposed to act like that. They're supposed to be fun and nice and silly. She has rare fits of silly which are swiftly and often interrupted by bad trips down Crabby Nag Diva lane.
She makes crazy demands on this real-estate guy who spends most of his time on camera looking terrified of her. If there were a little 'thought bubble' over his head, it would say something like "Please lady, don't twist it /completely/ off." Poor schmo.
She yells a lot and complains complains complains complains. When did it become vogue to have luxury cars, mansions, expansive closets dripping in designer labels and act like life is just soooooooooooooo impossibly hard. Oh boo hoo. The plight of the celebrities! It's heartbreaking!
She's a mom. Uh huh. So are about a jilliondy other women on this planet. Having reproduced isn't license to push around friends and associates. What was up with being like 5 hours late for a photo shoot? People who do that sort of thing in the regular joe world get fired. Having a buttload of money and nice swag doesn't make a person too good to act respectfully, responsibly, or patient and tolerant of other people. Is it just the way the show is editied? Maybe she is super polite and stuff but they just show her joking around and you don't know she's kidding? Could that be it?
I don't know, either way, I don't want to watch it any more because it's a total buzzkill and watching junk TV isn't supposed to be a downer.
And don't get me wrong. I like celebrities as much as anyone else. Their movies and TV shows and magazine fodder are a nice distraction from 'real life'. But it's WAY more of a good time to see celebrities having a blast than it is to watch them moan and groan and fuss. If I wan't to see a shitty attitude, I'll go spend a day with some sullen teenagers.
Now *I'm* the one who's complaining! Oh no! See? See what you've done, Kimora??? It's a vicious circle! Must ... break ... away!
My little kitty was talking (meowing) in her sleep just now. Precious! So precious! It's also squeaky cute when she yawns in the middle of a meow. It comes out meyawwwwwn! Charo likes to talk on the phone with Misse and Gwen. I think she talked to Lisa, too. And she talks to my mum. She sees me on the phone and she will say "MAOW!" Charo doesn't mee-oww. She MAOWs. It's L O U D too. MAOW! One time, Mr. Buffie and I looked for cat videos and sounds on YouTube because we were trying to find cats that sounded like Whimsey (little scratchy oww) and Charo (MAOW). The closest we got was a Siamese who said MEAOW! Whimsey's voice is pretty unique. It's a very quiet and sweet sounding oww. The irony being that Whimsey is the mess-you-up-like-knife-warrior cat and Charo is the snuggle-you-all-over cat.
=)
I'm rambling. =) again.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Back from Boston 04Nov07
It's been a week since I've been back from Boston. Mostly I have thought about my friends and food. ... and the fact that traffic is not THAT nuts in Kansas City.
Got to see my dearest Lisa! That rocked so hard core! ~waves to Lisa~ So happy to see her and have sushi with her and laugh about wacky shit and I can't wait to do it again!!! She still rocks red lips like no one I've ever seen before.
Also spent a lot of time with Gwen!!! All fabulous, all the time, yes a rockstar all the way! Her latest Malice in Wonderland photos are evidence of that. Miss Olivia, complete bombdiggity doll with the sweetest smile! Sassy, all that and more and then some and more. Nicole, always a sugar and what a killer rack!
And of course, the Big Cuties. My wonderful BC sisters! It's like being in the best soroity ever created! Except we don't live together and stuff. But still, we're all members of a very kickass group of hot chicks.
It was such a great trip! I'm glad to be home, but I miss y'all! Pout Pout Pout. I miss the FOOOOOOOD. Ohmigawd, the food.
Thursday was fish and chips and coleslaw and broiled swordfish and butternut squash from the Sea Witch. Mmmmmm, so delicious. Dinner was liquor and Dunkin Donuts. How excellent is that?! YEAH! Mr. Buffie proclaimed it Best Fish n Chips EVER. I agree.
Friday was roast beef, onion rings, Gwen's cheese n bacon fried and a fish sandwich from Kelly's. Excellent, but the service was shitty. For dinner was Samba teppanyaki at Samba in Framingham. I think the tiny Asian wait-staff was a little worried by the hungry and proud of it group of groovy BBWs and the men who adore us. We ate the house. Heather, thank you so much for the invite. It was fantastic! We had sushi, followed by steak, vegetables, rice, curry sauce and not nearly enough of it. I could have eaten more. Yummm!
Saturday we enjoyed good old pizza and beer.
Sunday came too soon and it was time to go, but we made a last minute cruise through Salem (a total madhouse, people EVERYWHERE yuck) but found a very creepy cool old cemetary and walked around there for a while. Hee hee hee! Perfect thing to do! Saw a mob pay off at Bill n Bob's Roast Beef. Way better than Kelly's roast beef, way better service too (if not a teensy bit hard to understand, the accent! Awesome)! Killer french fries, too. Enjoyed dinner at the airport. How often do you hear people say that? LOL We did enjoy it though. There's a Legal Seafood at Logan! Mr. Buffie had gumbo. Strange choice on the east coast, but it wasn't half bad. I enjoyed a grilled to perfection tuna steak with steamed broccoli and mashed new potatoes. Heavenly. Had a mojito for desert.
Even on the plane home I had my Midwest hot chocolate chip cookies. I was worried they had discontinued to practice since I was denied cookies on the flight up. A fricking GRANOLA BAR was given to me instead. Hrmph. I need not your granola, Midwest. I pay extra for your fucking cookies goddammit. You have extra wide leather seats. That means you welcome my chunky butt. You want my chunky money, you give me cookies. See how that works? Not on one flight but on EVERY flight. You promised! You know weeks in advance I'll be there. Just meet me at the gate with cookies and ginger ale. I order the same thing every time, geez. Don't you keep track? You skip my cookies and someone's going to have a bloody nose, understand me?
All in all, what a great way to spend a fall break! Halloween in Boston is like Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Too much fun! Oh the costume contest! I forgot to talk about that. Truth is, I don't remember much of it because I was most tipsy! LOL But judging from the pictures, it was a good time. Hee hee hee. Will post some on my profile pics. =)
The only bummer was not having Misse there to enjoy it, too. She's such a dedicated student though I understand why she takes school so seriously. That's why she rules!
Hugs to all my girlie friends! Mmmmmmuaaahhhh!
Got to see my dearest Lisa! That rocked so hard core! ~waves to Lisa~ So happy to see her and have sushi with her and laugh about wacky shit and I can't wait to do it again!!! She still rocks red lips like no one I've ever seen before.
Also spent a lot of time with Gwen!!! All fabulous, all the time, yes a rockstar all the way! Her latest Malice in Wonderland photos are evidence of that. Miss Olivia, complete bombdiggity doll with the sweetest smile! Sassy, all that and more and then some and more. Nicole, always a sugar and what a killer rack!
And of course, the Big Cuties. My wonderful BC sisters! It's like being in the best soroity ever created! Except we don't live together and stuff. But still, we're all members of a very kickass group of hot chicks.
It was such a great trip! I'm glad to be home, but I miss y'all! Pout Pout Pout. I miss the FOOOOOOOD. Ohmigawd, the food.
Thursday was fish and chips and coleslaw and broiled swordfish and butternut squash from the Sea Witch. Mmmmmm, so delicious. Dinner was liquor and Dunkin Donuts. How excellent is that?! YEAH! Mr. Buffie proclaimed it Best Fish n Chips EVER. I agree.
Friday was roast beef, onion rings, Gwen's cheese n bacon fried and a fish sandwich from Kelly's. Excellent, but the service was shitty. For dinner was Samba teppanyaki at Samba in Framingham. I think the tiny Asian wait-staff was a little worried by the hungry and proud of it group of groovy BBWs and the men who adore us. We ate the house. Heather, thank you so much for the invite. It was fantastic! We had sushi, followed by steak, vegetables, rice, curry sauce and not nearly enough of it. I could have eaten more. Yummm!
Saturday we enjoyed good old pizza and beer.
Sunday came too soon and it was time to go, but we made a last minute cruise through Salem (a total madhouse, people EVERYWHERE yuck) but found a very creepy cool old cemetary and walked around there for a while. Hee hee hee! Perfect thing to do! Saw a mob pay off at Bill n Bob's Roast Beef. Way better than Kelly's roast beef, way better service too (if not a teensy bit hard to understand, the accent! Awesome)! Killer french fries, too. Enjoyed dinner at the airport. How often do you hear people say that? LOL We did enjoy it though. There's a Legal Seafood at Logan! Mr. Buffie had gumbo. Strange choice on the east coast, but it wasn't half bad. I enjoyed a grilled to perfection tuna steak with steamed broccoli and mashed new potatoes. Heavenly. Had a mojito for desert.
Even on the plane home I had my Midwest hot chocolate chip cookies. I was worried they had discontinued to practice since I was denied cookies on the flight up. A fricking GRANOLA BAR was given to me instead. Hrmph. I need not your granola, Midwest. I pay extra for your fucking cookies goddammit. You have extra wide leather seats. That means you welcome my chunky butt. You want my chunky money, you give me cookies. See how that works? Not on one flight but on EVERY flight. You promised! You know weeks in advance I'll be there. Just meet me at the gate with cookies and ginger ale. I order the same thing every time, geez. Don't you keep track? You skip my cookies and someone's going to have a bloody nose, understand me?
All in all, what a great way to spend a fall break! Halloween in Boston is like Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Too much fun! Oh the costume contest! I forgot to talk about that. Truth is, I don't remember much of it because I was most tipsy! LOL But judging from the pictures, it was a good time. Hee hee hee. Will post some on my profile pics. =)
The only bummer was not having Misse there to enjoy it, too. She's such a dedicated student though I understand why she takes school so seriously. That's why she rules!
Hugs to all my girlie friends! Mmmmmmuaaahhhh!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Do I have road rage? 15Oct07
I'm driving with my friend, who is a fair and balanced and rational and grounded person, and this teenage bitch in some car-payment-mobile is riding my ass.
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
We are not thrilled. I'm thinking to myself - we're in a decent part of town. Teenage bitch is in a new and most likely owned-by-the-bank car with "full coverage" (I hate that term).
My friend says "Y'know, I think I feel a back injury coming on... like the kind that would pay off all my student loans."
I say to her "I know what you mean. I feel one, too. One that could pay off my mortgage."
We laugh because we know we have more ethics than that. But we think it's funny that teenage bitch's parents probably have no idea what kind of liability their darling dumbass is behind the wheel.
For about 2 solid miles now, stupid hooker has been breathing my exhaust and not giving up. I'm doing 5 over the speed limit and it's totally dark outside and I'm not interested in going any faster. So I slow down.
Dumb bitch didn't get the hint. I slow down a tiny bit more... now I'm doing exactly the speed limit. Ignorant bitch just rides my ass MORE hardcore. It's a broken yellow line. She could have passed me TEN TIMES but didn't. Her head was just rammed completely up her ass.
Finally, I get in the left-turn lane and she passes me on the right. I doubt she saw my middle finger, but I know she heard my horn.
My friend says "ohmigawd, road rage much?". What?!?!
Is that road rage? I call that "letting her know she's an fucktard". But is that /really/ road rage? For the serious? To me, road rage would be beating her over the head with my shoe at the next red light.
Coolness! I watch too much TV, everyone knows that... But a curvy chick won the Pants Off Dance Off tonight! WHOO HOO! =) That rocks. Go fatties! Get busy! Shake ya boo-tays!
Huh? What? Oh... yeah, kittens. We were talking about kittens... Wow, it's so past my bed time. WTF, why do I stay up so late? Fook!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Larry Flynt said... 14Oct07
''The United States is the strongest country not because it's the biggest or richest, but because it's the freest.''
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
My question is... how long will it stay that way?
I'm so effing glad the current administration is on the way out. But how disappointed will I be come election time when I'm forced to make a choice, yet again, between bad and worse? Do I want conservative assholes mis-spending my hard-earned tax dollars and giving themselves and their wealthy friends tax breaks or do I want liberal weirdos giving my hard-earned tax dollars to welfare leeches and socialist health care plans? Do I want to be fucked in the ass OR fucked in the ass? Hmmm... tough call...
Part of me has a great deal of pity for the person who comes along behind Bush and tries to clean up his mess. If I were you, I'd burn it down and start over... figuratively speaking, of course. Don't go pulling a Britney haircut on the White House or anything like that crazy pants.
Then again, why feel sorry for someone who INTENTIONALLY walks into the sleazy disgusting world of politics??? And people rip on ME for being a dirty porn star! HA! I'm not the dirty one, folks. Those old white men in suits who are full of hot gas and sit around on their higher-than-thou asses dictating policy and shit... THOSE are the dirty mother fuckers. Those guys are the ones who have made a mess of life in the US. Sure, they aren't all white and they aren't all men, but majority rules, and the majority of them are stuffy old white assholes in stuffy black and grey suits. Watch any hearing online, you'll see what I mean. They're goddamned DUMB, too, some of them. Honestly. They sit on various committees to discuss this and that and some of them don't have the first DAMN clue what the hell is going on. All they know is how to argue, bullshit and ACT informed by throwing around vague statements infused with verbose language meant to look specific and thought-through. It's SO SAD. A big vocabulary does not equal a great ability for trouble shooting and problem solving.
Again, it's a lack of diversity. I really think that's part of the problem. The federal goverment is drawing from the life experiences of only a small representation of the US population. Mostly privileged, educated, white, upper class, straight men with either Christian or Jewish backgrounds. That is the majority of our goverment and perhaps that is the 'majority' of our country... but that isn't me and those aren't my friends and it isn't what I want to be and it's not where I want to live.
Where are the hot fat chicks? Where are the awesome OUT gay men? Where are the black women (Condi, sorry... you're almost a white man), where are the American Indians or the Buddhists or the Asians or lesbian middle class single moms??? All those people pay taxes and all those people deserve to have a voice in our government. But they seem to be ignored and I don't know why.
Is the world diversity-phobic?
Monday, October 8, 2007
We can smell our own. 08Oct07
Phobics are such a trip. I can say that because I'm phobic. Kinda like it's ohkay for fat people to make fat jokes. We come from a place of understanding and there's heart in our humor... not hate.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Phobics don't really hate things. They're AFRAID of things. Significant difference.
Spiders... I don't really hate spiders. I say I hate spiders, but that isn't really what I mean. I'm scared shitless of spiders. But it's less embarrassing to say I hate them.
Fat... some people don't really hate fat, but they're scared shitless of it. Therefore they say they hate it because it's less embarrassing to them.
I can relate. Not about the fat thing specifically... because I'm not scared shitless of myself, but I can relate to the not-wanting-to-be-embarrassed thing. It blows.
Get sick of me rambling about the same 4 topics again and again? Fuck you! It's my blog! I do what I want! =)
Just kidding about the fuck you part.
TV, movies, music, art... life would be a lot more interesting if we were more honest with each other. Imagine the diversity. There would be so much to appreciate. So much variety. It would be like adding colors to a rainbow or cramming more deliciousness into chocolate.
We wouldn't be fed the same tired ass images over and over and over the fuck again. We'd see more color, more sizes, more curves. We would see diffferent abilities and talents. People would feel more free to express themselves. There would be a greater sharing of thoughts and ideas. It might be a more innovative world if we were honest enough to replace the word "hate" with the word "scared shitless" and then learned to get over our fears.
Usually, I like Talk Soup, but they're making fun of Liz Taylor and for some oddball reason, I'm 100% not cool with that. She's effing OLD y'all. And look at her. She's amazing. She isn't just old because she's lived a lot of years, she's done a hell of a lot of living! I can say with absolute certainty that I won't experience in my whole life what Liz experienced in one marriage... even a short one. So what if she gives wacky interview answers these days. Wouldn't your lame TalkSoupSmug selves get fucking sick of answering the same fuckadoodle mindless questions asked by hairsprayed glossy forgettable numbskulls 3 days a week for the past 40 years? Uhm, yeah ya would. And eventually, in order to keep yourself from going batshit with boredom, you might start giving loony tune answers to those dim dull questions because ya just plain feel like fucking with people. Jokes on YOU, Talk Soup. Liz is the master. Can't keep a good bitch down.
Speaking of fucking with people... I've been naughty. Have to confess. One of the skeezy bitches who tried to make a mess of me last year doesn't know that I know she's a member of the "guilty party". She's a really sad person and I should be the bigger individual and show her kindness and forgiveness and junk. But I'm not really in that snuggly place just yet. For now, I'm content to make her uncomfortable with intense eye contact and saying "HI" too loudly and for no reason. Geezus, I'm being a real snot. Pfft. She started it. I'm so mature. NOT. LOL Anyway, saw her recently in someone else's corner of country-fuck smokey town and said "Hhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii" in the weirdest possible way. She was visibly disturbed! It was GREAT! Best b-day gift I could have given myself! The foul, perpetually frowning little scab of a girl actually -shuddered-. You could see the chill grab her by the back of her bony, grumpy, stiff, frigid neck and shake the boogers right out of her stuck up pinched-looking nose!
Maybe bullies do it because they get a rush from rattling the nerves of others. Then again, bullies are typically unprovoked. I'm a provoked person, so maybe the satisfaction for me is in taking back a bit of my power? I don't know. Regardless, it was a brief, sweet moment I will cherish for the next couple of days before moving on to something else and forgetting her completely. I feel sorry for forget-able people. What were we talking about?
That's the duality of Buffie. I'm a sincerely nice girl with a big heart and as sensitive a soul as the day is long. But screw with me like some people have; that brings out the asshole in me (my choice to respond that way and that's how I like it) ... You might get away with it, but I won't take it lying down. I used to... but I don't anymore. Chances are, I'll ignore it and forget it ever happened. But if I get bored, I might decide to return the favor. The best part is, I have the allllll, yes ALL the strategic advantages and I'm smart enough not to tell anyone what those advantages are. ~Giggles~
The Spice Girls are on a reunion tour? No kidding? That's cool. Ginger Spice was my favorite! Don't know why.
Hmm... the View... If Talk Soup wants to rag forever on the View, I think I'm 100% alright with that. It's completely pompous. Take it down a notch or two.
Yep, my world here. I decide what's right, holy and just. Buffie for President 2008. This time vote for someone who doesn't suck.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Egg Salad Rant 03Oct07
The following prose is entitled "The Egg Salad Rant" and it is reprinted here with permission from the author, me, and was originally sent to Mr. Buffie via email on 24 September 2007. I'm putting it here because 1, Mr. Buffie tells everyone about it anyway, which is stupid. And 2, one of those people he told is the creepy type who steals other people's stupid and pretends it's their own stupid. Is that not fecking stupid?
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Food Network is such a trip tonight!
They're talking about egg salad. Which is disgusting, ok? I know like 3 people who like egg salad and they're all OLD. No offense to old people because with any luck, we will be old some day. But seriously, name 3 people around your age or my age who like egg salad. Barf!
So they're interviewing this woman who's a rep for the shit I fogot the name... uhhh... had to back it up. -shudder- It looks so nasty! Reser's. (That jello stuff you like is Reser's. Hmmm... lol... You know Mr. Buffie, it's a slippery slope from jello salad to Luby's Cafeteria at 4pm on a Friday. Haa ha aha haaaaaa.)
The Reser's rep woman is being interviewed and she takes her egg salad effing seriously, alright? There is NOTHING FUNNY about egg salad. They make 4 kinds of egg salad and MOST people like egg salad the plain old fashioned way. Just eggs and mayo... (gag gag gag hack hack hack cough cough cough) She says this all Bueller Bueller Bueller Anyone Bueller except it's m o s t p e o p l e l i k e e g g s a l a d t h e o l d f a s h i o n e d w a y j u s t e g g s a n d m a y o .
I like eggs. I like mayo, but that is just WRONG. It's like pouring milk over ice cream. Only grosser! Makes no goarshdanged sense at all.
You'd be laughing at this woman. She's a middle-aged-school-marm female-Napoleon-Dynamite, except not funny but she's funny because she's not funny. You get that, right?
Now I'm sad for her. Aww. She probably needs a friend. I'm mean. ... But not all the time and I'd never be mean to her face. That still doesn't make it right. Forgives?
Ohkay, later they have a rep from Hungry Man talking about the salisbury steak TV dinners. If he hooked up with the Reser's rep lady, their kids would be serial killers. I'm not kidding. He has the "thousand mile stare" which is NOT a good quality in a person who works in a place where whole cows are gound up in to processed meat food product extract. It's like the mob owning a hot dog plant. Ewww.
Now you, too, know the Egg Salad Rant. ... no, really, that's all there is. Seriously, that's the whole thing. Right, you're absolutely right, it is lame. I know. I knew it was lame when I wrote it. I was drunk, but that's irrelevant. At least I don't drive when I drink like some people. Yes, I'm judging people who drink and drive. They suck.
If you're nice, I'll share with you the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant.
Ready?
I work in the last smoking-permitted office in western culture, right. Yeah, not kidding. They have a great 401k, that's why. Besides, my job is awesome and I work with cool peeps. I mostly dig it.
The "smoking thing" has been an ongoing battle. Sort of like the Cold War, except everyone is suddenly friends when there's beer or food to be shared. Plus no one spies. At least not that I know of. Although there were threats for a while to put cameras in the bathrooms but that is such a long story and you really don't want to hear it and it is not interesting... not that the "Smell Good Things/Smell Bad Things" Rant is interesting, but let's face it, you're reading my blog - clearly "interesting" isn't something you seek at this particular moment. Prima facie evidence, that's all I'm sayin.
Anyway, on this side of the ring, we have the smokers who will smoke from beyond the grave if they can figure out how to make it happen. And in this corner we have the people who used to smoke and sympathize with the smokers. And in THIS OTHER corner, we have the vegan non-smokers who only breathe recycled bottled hepa-filtered purified air! And in THIS OTHER CORNER OVER HERE we have the people who used to smoke and have gone deep deep deep into the other extreme and hate smoking even more than the granola munching gym rat vegans in That Corner. AND IN THE MIDDLE we have the people who don't smoke, don't care and just wish we could get on with the day although we would prefer not to breathe the smoke we're a little more tolerant than some people people. Got that? Oh, shoot. Almost forgot... and mingled thoughout the extra spaces in the ring, we have the people who don't smoke, don't eat organic and just want to complain about whatever is convenient because they enjoy being squeaky wheels and there's nothing wrong with that we all like attention sometimes people people. Whew.
Apparently someone had a real bad time today because of someone else's air freshener and that person took it to HR who issued an email that all "smell good" things are banned from the office. I don't make this stuff up, folks. Sorry for that person, if you got sick from someone's "smell good" things because that has happened to me before when I've gone to church with my Aunt (as a favor for her) and sat behind the row of ladies who confused their perfume with a vat of human marinade and soaked in it overnight then got up early before church and went for a nice, long, hot, humid, moldy run through a field of cat turds and dried flowers. Totally feel your pain, I do. Also, sorry if I assumed you were just being a pain in the ass but weren't really. Oh, and piss off. That I said just because I can. It's my blog, I do what I want. Hee hee hee!
Email basically says "smell good" things are causing problems and there will be none more at work. Bummer for me because I happen to enjoy a couple of co-workers who have these neato flame-less candle smell good things.
... Me, being one of the people in the middle of the ring but also sometimes on the complainer side of the ring decided to pop off my mouth about it, in yet another email to Mr. Buffie who proceeds to embarrass me in electronic format by sharing more of my (what I thought was private) stupidity with other people.
Here it is:
Let me get this straight... "smell good" things are bad!?!? But it's alright if the guy on the next floor up SMOKES HIS PIPE and farts his brains out in the elevator!?!?!
Makes me wonder what clout-wielding sting-bomb smoking cry-baby whined to HR about someone's plum berry mountain breeze spring laundry rain melon hazelnut cucumber butt cheese magnolia pine needle candle!? How much do you want to bet this wasn't even about what "smell good things". I wonder if it's about someone getting mad at someone else, having no REAL cause for complaint and coming up with the smell-good-things-make-my-happy-place-turn-sad as the next best thing. Only theorizing.
Everyone knows smelling nice is an offensive assault on the olfactory senses! Of course it is. How dare someone have "smell good things" in the office!
Reeking of over cooked nicotine, skipping a shower after working up a gnarly pungent STENCH in the gym at lunch, having vodka vapors to waft from your pores, and blasting flatulence in your wake is more than socially acceptable. In fact, it's even admirable in some cultures!
Groan!
The End.
Brad Sherman (D-CA) looks like a penis wearing glasses.
Ohkay, I'm really done now. Had to get that out of my system.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dear Kanye... stop whining. 17Sept07
This is from my Dims post... Just wanted to share it here, too...
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Kanye whines again... but this time, it's about Britney.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g9M4PuzXJKuDUV_6OSsidg7SiVig
He talks smack on MTV itself (bite one of the hands that help feed you, hrm) and apparently had a little hissy cow when he didn't win an award, again...
And he cried and whined about not being on stage and it's not fair because Justin Timberbutt got to be on stage and it's soooo hard to be famous and wealthy and why me GAWD WHY??? -Kanye does Nancy Kerrigan impression in 3...2..1...- WHYYYYYYY?????!!!!!!!!!
Kanye, no offense because I'm sure you work super hard and all, but would you please go cry about what you didn't win in the privacy of one of your own mansions or at least hold your tears until you're in your Mercedes or Bentley or Rolls or whatever unaffordium on 4 wheels that brought you to the awards show? People were trying to have a good time and all your fussing was a major buzzkill, k?
Maybe I would be a big cry-baby if I didn't win an MTV award, too. But considering I *don't* have an MTV award and I still got out of bed and put a smile on my face this morning, I'd say all and all, he doesn't have much cause for complaint.
If he's soooooo bummed about how terribly MTV is treating Britney and the fact that they won't let him perform on the stage of his choice and the fact that he doesn't win everything for which he's nominated; then maybe he should quit making albums and go get a joe job like the rest of us? Just a suggestion.
~huff~
I feel better now!
I know!!! "Don't be hatin" is the message of the week... but I'm not rilly rilly hating on Kanye. I'm sure his life is stressful, however, maybe HE should stop hating on MTV, go count his money and enjoy life?
I'll say something nice now, to redeem myself.
I'm glad Kanye and I both live in a country where we're free to show our asses and piss and moan about stuff like this. America ain't perfect and I think our government is an overgroan impotent mess, but it's hella better than living in the desert or mud hut or some place where women aren't allowed to drive.
He can cry if he wants to, but he propbably shouldn't expect a lot of sympathy. (Clearly he expects MTV to roll over and hand him everything he desires, so I'm guessing he probably DOES expect sympathy too. Silly me.) Sheesh.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Poor Leave Me Alone Dude... 16Sept07
Don't be hatin'. That's all he's trying to say. I mean, what do we have to lose by being cool to each other? Even those with whom we fundamentally disagree?
What's his name... I have to look it up, just a sec. Chris Cocker.
First, I owe him props because *I* certainly don't have the brass nuts it would take to post that kind of emotional moment on the effin NET. He knew what he was walking into, but I bet he did not expect it to blow up like that. Anyway, the guy is far more brave than me. As ironic as that sounds, it's true. Much easier to put on a cheesy grin and stick your butt out than it is to show yourself being all upset and stuff.
Second, if he IS acting, then bravo! For the serious! That's the stuff Oscars are made of. It's gut wrenching. The pain seems really sincere!
Third, the message is good, eh? Its delivery is extreme and kinda out there, but he's only saying it takes all kinds and we should be more open to that "live-and-let-live" vibe. Nauseatingly cliche, you're right, but the term has been around this long because there's merit to it. ~groan~ I'm getting preachy! Slap me, please. Hard. hee heee hee.
We can still have our opinions and what not. And it doesn't kill someone to let them know how you really feel sometimes, even if it's not positive. We improve as people when we get honest feedback about both our strengths and 'not-so-strengths'. lol
Plus, is he really all that different from the rest of the world? People are acting like he's an alien space invader. Get over it, geez. Boys in eyeliner is hardly "new". Hellooo, remember the 80's? David poopie Beckham has worn eyeliner and he's apparently some pop culture icon and Duke of all Maxim Readers, although not for the reasons I would have guessed.
I just don't think our Britney Boy is the big looney bird E! and VH1 say he is... Is that dumb?
Am I a tremendous dork for even blogging about it? LOL Now I'm laughing because if I did a search, I'm sure I would find a BUTT LOAD of blogs about him and they would ALL be as big of a waste of time as mine. LOL But that's what hobbies are right? They're kind of a waste of time. (Then again, I'm -thismuch- jealous because I don't have time for a hobby. I won't deny it.)
Ohkay, so, wrapping up... Chris Cocker... not -that- much of a spaz.
I would also like to add...
Kitties are awesome!
XOXO,
~Buffie
(My mood is "quixotic" and I don't know what that means, but I thought it sounded good at the time. I hope it doesn't mean "will soon develop IBS" or something like that. But just in case it does, my mood is NOT actually hopeful for a colonic disorder. That would not be good. I'm not at liberty to say anymore about my mood. Sorry.)
:D
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Ohkay, so I know I said I wouldn’t mention it again... but... 13Sept07
Normally I actually would NOT mention the previous bullshit which went down in country-fuck smokey town regarding my MySpace and the fact that I flash me boobies for the money.
BUT... I have to issue a retraction, maybe, because something occurred to me today.
The smokey old whore in question is still a uhh a... well... she's still a smokey old whore, ohkay. And not the fun kind either. Like, I know, when I'm like a zillion years old, I'm going to be a smokey old whore, too. Minus the smoke. Minus the whore part, too. Geezus, fine, so I'll just be old. But it will be the GOOD kind of old. Like some of my friends who aren't 22 anymore. They're still a BLAST and they're fun and they're HAPPY and they don't take up hobbies which involve meddling and gossip and aimless attempts to cause shit storms in other people's lives. They're the GOOD kind of smokey old whores. The smokey old whore I referenced before is NOT the good kind. For fuck sake, I'm so off track. Enough bout smokey old hos. -must-resist-urge-to-make-nappy-headed-ho-joke-must-resist-aaaak-akaaaakaakak (Imus is a loser, just FYI. Who cares what that smokey old whore says! LOL I kill! LOL LOL LOL)
Ohkay, the topic train is back in the station... about my retraction. It's not really a retraction. I guess I just wanted to add that I know the smokey old whore isn't the ONLY person who got in on the bash-Buffie-for-fun game. A LOT of other people joined in. I felt like a goddamned piñata. Fucking fuckers.
This is all I wanted to add, because I was worried that I had left the impression that I was blaming one person for all the trash talk, when there were in fact dozens of people; and I also wanted to add that I know *who* those dozens are.
Actually... there's one more tiny little thing I'd like to say about the subject, then I'd like to consider it closed.
I pity those of you who tried to hurt me. Sincerely, I do. I mean that with earnestness. This is not a high-and-mighty thing. It's a sad from my heart thing. I feel so badly at how many of you don't have friends or hobbies or interests beyond these very immature things in which you involve yourselves. It's way depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not losing sleep over it. But if you all had been kind to me instead of horrible, I would have been a friend to you. I might have been able to help you realize things about yourself you might not have known. It's a gift I have. I'm sometimes able to help people realize how very interesting and unique they are. Plus, I'm fun. Not bragging or anything, I simply happen to know I'm fun. Just like I know I'm fat. It's a fact and I don't deny it. I'm fun and I am blessed with the ability to share my fun with almost everybody. The gift of contagious laughter, maybe.
But... you blew it. A lot of you had a choice to be nice or be awful. Those of you who chose awful have missed out. I forgive you, and soon I will have forgotten your nastiness, but you won't get another chance with me because I'll never trust you. That is YOUR loss and it's sad because there's clearly a part of you that NEEDS something good in your life. Have you ever even traveled 2 zip codes beyond your own home? (No, the casino boats on the north side of town don't count.)
If you're going to continue to snoop around and see what I'm doing (which is the same damn thing I was doing last time you checked, aren't you bored yet?) then I can at least try to make something positive happen for you.
Here's what to do... After you're done reading this and deciding who you're going to tell about it tomorrow, stop and ask yourself if they really care. Ask yourself why YOU care! Why DO you care? Don't you have things in your own life that are better to do? Is it because I'm fat? Can you not wrap your mind around the fact that people of all shapes, sizes and colors can feel great about themselves? What gives? Rhetorical questions, obviously.
Back on track again... sorry... Ohkay, so finish reading this... THEN... plan a trip. Somewhere you've never been. I don't care if it's 100 miles away or 2,000 miles away. Just think about a simple budget and plan to GO SOMEWHERE.
Once you've decided where you're going, get online and learn about that place. What's the local food? Is it a historic place? Do they speak with an accent there? Even go one step further and maybe start corresponding with a few locals online. Ask them about life in their community. How is it different from your life? How is it the same? What attracted you to this place?
Now, get in your car or get on a train or boat or whatever and GO THERE. Spend a couple of days. Take TONS of pictures and smile like your face is going to break. LAUGH!!! Laugh a LOT! Go to the local gift shop and look for silly post cards or those goofy collectible spoons and think of who among your friends would get a giggle out of receiving such a token. Make memories and cherish them.
Wait a couple of months.
REPEAT, except do it in a new location.
For the serious, traveling is a simple way to enrich your life and cause you to grow as a person. Good trips, bad trips, boring trips all leave an imprint on your mind and give you cause for thought. You'll learn more about who you are. You'll learn more about why things matter to you. You might even learn that some things, like, ahem, other people's personal lives, don't matter to you at all! Hey, wouldn't that be something!? =) See? Told you I'm fun... even if it's in a cheeky, snarky way.
Can't afford to travel? No problem. Clearly you have internet access. Use the satellite view on Google Maps to see the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall. Get on Wikipedia and find out what happened to the residents of Pompeii when Mount Vesuvius erupted. Watch a YouTube video about funny cats. Have a giggle! Just DO SOMETHING different today that you've never done before. Even if you only add a word to your vocabulary. The diamonds with the brightest fire have the most intricate facets. So add some facets to yourself and make an effort to shine a little brighter.
While I don't wish you winning powerball numbers or anything like that, I do wish you peace and I do hope you manage to find joy in your life, although I get the impression that probably doesn't come easily for you. Egads, there goes my pity reflex again... gulp. We all have our challenges, don't we?
Either way, bygones. It's cool. Don't be frustrated that you couldn't bring me down. I'm the only one who can bring me down. Just take that as a sign that you should be doing something better with your time, k?
Alrighty... I feel better now. Said all I have to say. Mostly. For now anyhow. LOL
Namaste,
~Buffie
BUT... I have to issue a retraction, maybe, because something occurred to me today.
The smokey old whore in question is still a uhh a... well... she's still a smokey old whore, ohkay. And not the fun kind either. Like, I know, when I'm like a zillion years old, I'm going to be a smokey old whore, too. Minus the smoke. Minus the whore part, too. Geezus, fine, so I'll just be old. But it will be the GOOD kind of old. Like some of my friends who aren't 22 anymore. They're still a BLAST and they're fun and they're HAPPY and they don't take up hobbies which involve meddling and gossip and aimless attempts to cause shit storms in other people's lives. They're the GOOD kind of smokey old whores. The smokey old whore I referenced before is NOT the good kind. For fuck sake, I'm so off track. Enough bout smokey old hos. -must-resist-urge-to-make-nappy-headed-ho-joke-must-resist-aaaak-akaaaakaakak (Imus is a loser, just FYI. Who cares what that smokey old whore says! LOL I kill! LOL LOL LOL)
Ohkay, the topic train is back in the station... about my retraction. It's not really a retraction. I guess I just wanted to add that I know the smokey old whore isn't the ONLY person who got in on the bash-Buffie-for-fun game. A LOT of other people joined in. I felt like a goddamned piñata. Fucking fuckers.
This is all I wanted to add, because I was worried that I had left the impression that I was blaming one person for all the trash talk, when there were in fact dozens of people; and I also wanted to add that I know *who* those dozens are.
Actually... there's one more tiny little thing I'd like to say about the subject, then I'd like to consider it closed.
I pity those of you who tried to hurt me. Sincerely, I do. I mean that with earnestness. This is not a high-and-mighty thing. It's a sad from my heart thing. I feel so badly at how many of you don't have friends or hobbies or interests beyond these very immature things in which you involve yourselves. It's way depressing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not losing sleep over it. But if you all had been kind to me instead of horrible, I would have been a friend to you. I might have been able to help you realize things about yourself you might not have known. It's a gift I have. I'm sometimes able to help people realize how very interesting and unique they are. Plus, I'm fun. Not bragging or anything, I simply happen to know I'm fun. Just like I know I'm fat. It's a fact and I don't deny it. I'm fun and I am blessed with the ability to share my fun with almost everybody. The gift of contagious laughter, maybe.
But... you blew it. A lot of you had a choice to be nice or be awful. Those of you who chose awful have missed out. I forgive you, and soon I will have forgotten your nastiness, but you won't get another chance with me because I'll never trust you. That is YOUR loss and it's sad because there's clearly a part of you that NEEDS something good in your life. Have you ever even traveled 2 zip codes beyond your own home? (No, the casino boats on the north side of town don't count.)
If you're going to continue to snoop around and see what I'm doing (which is the same damn thing I was doing last time you checked, aren't you bored yet?) then I can at least try to make something positive happen for you.
Here's what to do... After you're done reading this and deciding who you're going to tell about it tomorrow, stop and ask yourself if they really care. Ask yourself why YOU care! Why DO you care? Don't you have things in your own life that are better to do? Is it because I'm fat? Can you not wrap your mind around the fact that people of all shapes, sizes and colors can feel great about themselves? What gives? Rhetorical questions, obviously.
Back on track again... sorry... Ohkay, so finish reading this... THEN... plan a trip. Somewhere you've never been. I don't care if it's 100 miles away or 2,000 miles away. Just think about a simple budget and plan to GO SOMEWHERE.
Once you've decided where you're going, get online and learn about that place. What's the local food? Is it a historic place? Do they speak with an accent there? Even go one step further and maybe start corresponding with a few locals online. Ask them about life in their community. How is it different from your life? How is it the same? What attracted you to this place?
Now, get in your car or get on a train or boat or whatever and GO THERE. Spend a couple of days. Take TONS of pictures and smile like your face is going to break. LAUGH!!! Laugh a LOT! Go to the local gift shop and look for silly post cards or those goofy collectible spoons and think of who among your friends would get a giggle out of receiving such a token. Make memories and cherish them.
Wait a couple of months.
REPEAT, except do it in a new location.
For the serious, traveling is a simple way to enrich your life and cause you to grow as a person. Good trips, bad trips, boring trips all leave an imprint on your mind and give you cause for thought. You'll learn more about who you are. You'll learn more about why things matter to you. You might even learn that some things, like, ahem, other people's personal lives, don't matter to you at all! Hey, wouldn't that be something!? =) See? Told you I'm fun... even if it's in a cheeky, snarky way.
Can't afford to travel? No problem. Clearly you have internet access. Use the satellite view on Google Maps to see the Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall. Get on Wikipedia and find out what happened to the residents of Pompeii when Mount Vesuvius erupted. Watch a YouTube video about funny cats. Have a giggle! Just DO SOMETHING different today that you've never done before. Even if you only add a word to your vocabulary. The diamonds with the brightest fire have the most intricate facets. So add some facets to yourself and make an effort to shine a little brighter.
While I don't wish you winning powerball numbers or anything like that, I do wish you peace and I do hope you manage to find joy in your life, although I get the impression that probably doesn't come easily for you. Egads, there goes my pity reflex again... gulp. We all have our challenges, don't we?
Either way, bygones. It's cool. Don't be frustrated that you couldn't bring me down. I'm the only one who can bring me down. Just take that as a sign that you should be doing something better with your time, k?
Alrighty... I feel better now. Said all I have to say. Mostly. For now anyhow. LOL
Namaste,
~Buffie
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Out of the closet... Out of my mind. 08Sept07
I made the decision to not have my profile be private anymore. My in-box has over 500 FIVE HUNDRED messages in it that I know won't be able to answer and I'm sorry about that.
But ... hell...
The reason I destroyed my first profile was because someone tried to use it against me. Isn't that the stupidest shit you ever heard???
Some smokey old whore saw it and thought to herself "How DARE a fat girl act like she doesn't hate herself". That person, who clearly has nothing better to do, tried to tell the entire universe about my 'dirty little secret'. Little did the dried out leather faced hag know that I have no shame about myself nor my body. She was probably too hungover to realize that beauty exists in all shapes and sizes. Poor ignorant old bar fly. She saw someone young and happy. It made her jealous and bitter because she's spent so much of her life hating herself and chowing down on diet pills and she did the only thing she could to make herself feel better... She tried to bring me down. I almost pity the fact that she failed. LOL
Enough about that and I will never mention it again.
Anyway, I've unlocked Pandora's box and I'm going to live with it.
Why should I have to act like I've got secrets? Why should I have to worry? I'm not doing anything wrong. After all, I'm the one who insists that I do what I want. So I'm doing what I want and I'm not going to hide it from anyone. If they want to judge, let them judge! For every 1 person who judges, 10 cool people want to be my friend. Isn't it awesome when the haters are outnumbered? I dig it!
But I won't lie, I'm still a teensy bit nervous someone is going to do or say something awful. Not that it will actually bring any harm to me. I have survived high school and that's where I've heard every imaginable insult known to mankind. Screw em.
Time to focus on my current friends and my future friends. Have fun viewing my entirely stupid profile. You won't discover any groundbreaking news and it will be 3 minutes of your life you'll never get back, but if it makes you giggle, I've done my job. =)
Now go forth and have BEER for it is the weekend and that's what we do!
_Grins_
But ... hell...
The reason I destroyed my first profile was because someone tried to use it against me. Isn't that the stupidest shit you ever heard???
Some smokey old whore saw it and thought to herself "How DARE a fat girl act like she doesn't hate herself". That person, who clearly has nothing better to do, tried to tell the entire universe about my 'dirty little secret'. Little did the dried out leather faced hag know that I have no shame about myself nor my body. She was probably too hungover to realize that beauty exists in all shapes and sizes. Poor ignorant old bar fly. She saw someone young and happy. It made her jealous and bitter because she's spent so much of her life hating herself and chowing down on diet pills and she did the only thing she could to make herself feel better... She tried to bring me down. I almost pity the fact that she failed. LOL
Enough about that and I will never mention it again.
Anyway, I've unlocked Pandora's box and I'm going to live with it.
Why should I have to act like I've got secrets? Why should I have to worry? I'm not doing anything wrong. After all, I'm the one who insists that I do what I want. So I'm doing what I want and I'm not going to hide it from anyone. If they want to judge, let them judge! For every 1 person who judges, 10 cool people want to be my friend. Isn't it awesome when the haters are outnumbered? I dig it!
But I won't lie, I'm still a teensy bit nervous someone is going to do or say something awful. Not that it will actually bring any harm to me. I have survived high school and that's where I've heard every imaginable insult known to mankind. Screw em.
Time to focus on my current friends and my future friends. Have fun viewing my entirely stupid profile. You won't discover any groundbreaking news and it will be 3 minutes of your life you'll never get back, but if it makes you giggle, I've done my job. =)
Now go forth and have BEER for it is the weekend and that's what we do!
_Grins_
Thursday, January 25, 2007
You crazy ass NJFP! Kevin!!! 25Jan07
Where have you been for the last year anyway? For the real? I'm not going back to OKC until I have a no-snow guarantee. No, not that snow. I mean the shitty kind that makes it hard to drive my Jag.
I miss you and I miss Mexican Monday and I miss making fun of people in jeeps and I miss the BringBackTheBuzzDawg and I miss watching "Friday" with you and taking turns playing Deebo.
Holy fuck, I'm watching American Idol and this bitch is fucked up. You need to slap her.
Here's the deal. It's 5 fucking hours. You can do it on a weekend. President's goddamned day is like the 3rd week in February. You'll be off work. Get your ass in the car, find your way to I-35, I know you can. Go north. Count to 4 1/2 hours. Find I-70. Go east. BINGO, Buffie's house. Are ya feeling me, muthaphuckya? I know you is.
I can tell by all the teef in yo mouf that yous grinnin like a pimp wit a new set of dubs.
I miss you. I love you. I'm so incredibly proud of you. I mean it.
I miss you and I miss Mexican Monday and I miss making fun of people in jeeps and I miss the BringBackTheBuzzDawg and I miss watching "Friday" with you and taking turns playing Deebo.
Holy fuck, I'm watching American Idol and this bitch is fucked up. You need to slap her.
Here's the deal. It's 5 fucking hours. You can do it on a weekend. President's goddamned day is like the 3rd week in February. You'll be off work. Get your ass in the car, find your way to I-35, I know you can. Go north. Count to 4 1/2 hours. Find I-70. Go east. BINGO, Buffie's house. Are ya feeling me, muthaphuckya? I know you is.
I can tell by all the teef in yo mouf that yous grinnin like a pimp wit a new set of dubs.
I miss you. I love you. I'm so incredibly proud of you. I mean it.
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