More from the sponge-like mind of Buffie. Her PlateWire bitch-fest makes a special appearance on MySpace, in yo face.
Why do the people with the most crap taste in music always have the loudest, nastiest, distorted stereos?
That's one of my biggest pet peeves.
It isn't other drivers' faults if Mr. Loud Tunes likes junk music. Why punish the rest of the people on the road by blaring a cracked MP3 of it from a busted speaker in the trunk of his hoopty? Rrrrrrgggg! I hate that!
What's the thrill? Do they need attention that badly? Besides, they should consider the attention they're getting. No one is impressed by their tired ass ride and no one is going to give them a thumbs up for playing rubbish we can hear anytime of the day on the radio in our own cars. Losers.
One of these days I'm going to try putting James Taylor all the way up to 11 while I'm in traffic and see what this big fad is all about. Apparently we're missing something from our lives with our quiet, unintrusive radios folks. We need to branch out.
Just sayin...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Oops Kanye Did It Again... 25Jun08
You know you're a big whiney puss when your temper tantrums make the CNN headlines. Kanye has had at LEAST 3 or 4 of these by now. He's such a prima donna, I fully expect to see him featured on the next VH1 Divas Live.
This time, it's everyone else's fault that his show was a couple hours late going on. He's the lone genius, surrounded by idiots who have offended him beyond the outer most edges of his tolerance. The tragedy! The pain! The despair! Poor rich boy's demands not met on timely basis, world comes to halt. Is that how you think it works Kanye?
Listen this time, because I don't like repeating myself... there are people in this world with REAL problems. You are not one of those people. When YOU have a problem, you throw your pocket change at it and the problem disappears or becomes some under-paid assistant's problem. When someone like ME has a problem, I sure as shit don't get my own hissy fit featured on CNN. Nope. But I DO get to cry to my mum on the phone for a little bit, only for her to tell me to suck it up and deal with it.
See how simple that is? Now, as you've been told before, please go pine, whine and complain in the privacy of your island vacation home on a white sand beach somewhere in the south Pacific. For shame.
I have a Subway update. Got a form-letter apology in my email today. Here it is...
"Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dear Mrs S:
Thank you for taking the time to share your comments.
We were sorry to hear that you were offended by one of our recent television
commercials. We can assure you that no harm was intended and we apologize
for causing you concern.
The SUBWAYR Advertising Department works with a Board of Trustees, as well
as a national advertising agency and several local advertising agencies, to
develop national advertising that tells customers about our great products.
In addition, all of our ads are tested with numerous consumers before they
are aired to ensure that the overall reactions to the commercials are
positive. Our ads are meant to be fun and humorous and it was never our
intention to offend.
As a leader in the sandwich-making industry, we want sub-lovers everywhere
to know that SUBWAYR is dedicated to the concerned citizens that have helped
us grow our business. Again, thank you for taking the time to express your
views. Your input and concern is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rosemary Crispin x8201
Customer Care Representative
Customer ID:XXXXXXXXX"
First of all, I must wonder if this Rosemary Crispin is a real human or just some Subway practice of assigning different people names to their automated apology letter email servers.
Second, using Subway's reasoning that if it's said in humor then it's alright, we could say well, I know the joke was bigoted, but it was funny so you shouldn't be offended and if you are, I'm sorry, so we're cool right? Great, now buy my shit.
OR... we could use their focus-group reasoning. Mr. Subway Ad Guy has a meeting and he says, "Let's see, we want to make an ad that talks major smack on gay people. Good, good. Yes that sounds good. Alright, before we proceed, we need to run this by a focus group. Do you think those folks from the Westboro Church in Topeka are busy? Someone get Phelps on the phone for me."
I think I've proved my point, Subway. You're fucked up and not funny. Just admit it. Don't blow smoke up my ass with your I'm-sorry-but-I-was-only-trying-to-be-funny-and-besides-the-focus-group-said-it-was-good-and-did-I-forget-to-mention-we-bribed-them-with-money. Save it. Save your effing sammiches, too. I hope they all get old and moldy and I hope your marketing people all wake up tomorrow with one leg shorter than the other and hair growing where it shouldn't be. HA!
This time, it's everyone else's fault that his show was a couple hours late going on. He's the lone genius, surrounded by idiots who have offended him beyond the outer most edges of his tolerance. The tragedy! The pain! The despair! Poor rich boy's demands not met on timely basis, world comes to halt. Is that how you think it works Kanye?
Listen this time, because I don't like repeating myself... there are people in this world with REAL problems. You are not one of those people. When YOU have a problem, you throw your pocket change at it and the problem disappears or becomes some under-paid assistant's problem. When someone like ME has a problem, I sure as shit don't get my own hissy fit featured on CNN. Nope. But I DO get to cry to my mum on the phone for a little bit, only for her to tell me to suck it up and deal with it.
See how simple that is? Now, as you've been told before, please go pine, whine and complain in the privacy of your island vacation home on a white sand beach somewhere in the south Pacific. For shame.
I have a Subway update. Got a form-letter apology in my email today. Here it is...
"Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Dear Mrs S:
Thank you for taking the time to share your comments.
We were sorry to hear that you were offended by one of our recent television
commercials. We can assure you that no harm was intended and we apologize
for causing you concern.
The SUBWAYR Advertising Department works with a Board of Trustees, as well
as a national advertising agency and several local advertising agencies, to
develop national advertising that tells customers about our great products.
In addition, all of our ads are tested with numerous consumers before they
are aired to ensure that the overall reactions to the commercials are
positive. Our ads are meant to be fun and humorous and it was never our
intention to offend.
As a leader in the sandwich-making industry, we want sub-lovers everywhere
to know that SUBWAYR is dedicated to the concerned citizens that have helped
us grow our business. Again, thank you for taking the time to express your
views. Your input and concern is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Rosemary Crispin x8201
Customer Care Representative
Customer ID:XXXXXXXXX"
First of all, I must wonder if this Rosemary Crispin is a real human or just some Subway practice of assigning different people names to their automated apology letter email servers.
Second, using Subway's reasoning that if it's said in humor then it's alright, we could say well, I know the joke was bigoted, but it was funny so you shouldn't be offended and if you are, I'm sorry, so we're cool right? Great, now buy my shit.
OR... we could use their focus-group reasoning. Mr. Subway Ad Guy has a meeting and he says, "Let's see, we want to make an ad that talks major smack on gay people. Good, good. Yes that sounds good. Alright, before we proceed, we need to run this by a focus group. Do you think those folks from the Westboro Church in Topeka are busy? Someone get Phelps on the phone for me."
I think I've proved my point, Subway. You're fucked up and not funny. Just admit it. Don't blow smoke up my ass with your I'm-sorry-but-I-was-only-trying-to-be-funny-and-besides-the-focus-group-said-it-was-good-and-did-I-forget-to-mention-we-bribed-them-with-money. Save it. Save your effing sammiches, too. I hope they all get old and moldy and I hope your marketing people all wake up tomorrow with one leg shorter than the other and hair growing where it shouldn't be. HA!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Dear Subway... 22Jun08
Dear Subway,
This is regarding your new ad about the guy who eats at the burger joint and suddenly needs new bigger clothes, a seat-belt extender, etc...
Note to your marketing geniuses... if you want a customer's money perhaps it is best not to insult them. I don't have a marketing degree as I am too fat, lazy, and stupid to earn one (sarcasm intended), but I would just guess that the first rule for winning the favorable attention of a person or group of people is to approach them with kindness, or neutrality at the very least.
But y'know, what do I know? I'm merely an ignorant fat person. Besides, I'm so paranoid (as your ad suggests) to even leave my home, let alone visit a Subway where all the thin, wonderful, perfect people dine.
All kidding and snideness aside (hey, y'all started by insulting ME first, just giving back a little of what I was given), I really used to like going to Subway. This might be news to you folks, but large people do NOT actually just sit at home, eating lard out of a bucket with a spoon. Sometimes we do eat good, healthy food. Amazing? Yes, I know.
Subway isn't perfect though. You folks have lots of sodium filled lunch meats, which aren't exactly good for the arteries. Let's not forget your wide choice of high calorie sodas, cookies, and chips. So to suggest your company is the end-all of health food... (hey, that's the same as suggesting what you do about fat people -we're in need of therapy? Ring a bell?) ...it's about as much of a stretch as my elastic waist pants.
Anyway, here's the deal, you start making ads that are either *truly* effing hilarious (hire John Pinette, if he'll have your sorry ass) or you start making ads that are LESS obnoxious, stereotypical, lame, rude, and then maybe, JUST maybe I will consider coming back to a Subway. Don't forget, I'm a fat sow, so I spend a crap-ton of money on your mayo-filled, salt encrusted, foot long sandwiches, and your delicious eat-em-by-the-dozen cookies. Deal?
=)
Very best regards,
Buffie S.
Missouri
This is regarding your new ad about the guy who eats at the burger joint and suddenly needs new bigger clothes, a seat-belt extender, etc...
Note to your marketing geniuses... if you want a customer's money perhaps it is best not to insult them. I don't have a marketing degree as I am too fat, lazy, and stupid to earn one (sarcasm intended), but I would just guess that the first rule for winning the favorable attention of a person or group of people is to approach them with kindness, or neutrality at the very least.
But y'know, what do I know? I'm merely an ignorant fat person. Besides, I'm so paranoid (as your ad suggests) to even leave my home, let alone visit a Subway where all the thin, wonderful, perfect people dine.
All kidding and snideness aside (hey, y'all started by insulting ME first, just giving back a little of what I was given), I really used to like going to Subway. This might be news to you folks, but large people do NOT actually just sit at home, eating lard out of a bucket with a spoon. Sometimes we do eat good, healthy food. Amazing? Yes, I know.
Subway isn't perfect though. You folks have lots of sodium filled lunch meats, which aren't exactly good for the arteries. Let's not forget your wide choice of high calorie sodas, cookies, and chips. So to suggest your company is the end-all of health food... (hey, that's the same as suggesting what you do about fat people -we're in need of therapy? Ring a bell?) ...it's about as much of a stretch as my elastic waist pants.
Anyway, here's the deal, you start making ads that are either *truly* effing hilarious (hire John Pinette, if he'll have your sorry ass) or you start making ads that are LESS obnoxious, stereotypical, lame, rude, and then maybe, JUST maybe I will consider coming back to a Subway. Don't forget, I'm a fat sow, so I spend a crap-ton of money on your mayo-filled, salt encrusted, foot long sandwiches, and your delicious eat-em-by-the-dozen cookies. Deal?
=)
Very best regards,
Buffie S.
Missouri
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Obscenity and the common pin up. 12Jun08
I posed a question at Dims... and would like to share it here, too...
----- Who decides what is "obscene"? -----
I've been reading about Ira Isaacs' upcoming trial and it really bothers me.
I have not seen any of his films, but after reading about them, they sound like something I would never want to see. "Poo" porn isn't really my thing. In my own personal opinion it's gross, but I don't know if I would call it "obscene".
Who has the ultimate say in how "obscene" is defined anyway?
Quote:
The prosecution is the first in Southern California by a U.S. Department of Justice task force formed in 2005 after Christian conservative groups appealed to the Bush administration to crack down on smut.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la...,4510463.story
:End Quote.
So what if it is smut? If the business is conducted legally with consenting adults, then in the United States, let them have their smut!
What the fuck is wrong with someone watching legal porn in the privacy of their own home? Why does this "task force" even exist??? And to blame it on Christians? I'm not a Christian, but I'm surrounded by them and most of the ones I know don't give two hoots what someone does on their own time.
Y'know Ira Isaacs might be a real slime bag. But isn't that his right as a free American? Isn't his art (however disgusting it may or may not be) protected under the First Amendment?
I realize there are a lot of people in this country and in our government who would dearly love to restrict everything we see, read, write and create. I realize a lot of those people will claim those restrictions are in the name of "decency" and the protection of polite society. But what a slippery slope! Even when the PMRC came about some years ago with their censorship bent trying to damn the pop music industry, I never thought they'd get away with it. And mostly, they did not.
This one though, this one has me worried. What if they get away with it? Then what? What's next to go? Are they going to take away Comedy Central? South Park? Beavis and Butthead? Are they going to close down my own paysite?
How did this happen? From where did this "task force" come? How do we make it go away?
(By the way, the task force who is prosecuting Ira Isaacs is NOT the same federal agency that deals with child porn. That's an ENTIRELY different ball of wax. We're talking about consenting adults and their First Amendment rights here.)
This guy stands a chance of going to jail, depending on the outcome of the jury's decision. If he's convicted, then in a roundabout way, I stand a chance of going to jail some day for flashing my boobies. It's a coin toss... he could get a very open-minded jury; there are no guarantees.
Either scenario could totally happen. One of my relatives, whom I love very much, is 19 different varieties of uptight. If she ever knew about my website, I think she would be "offended" to the point that she would never speak to me again. No one is perfect, y'know. She's just one of those people with a very narrow mind and extremely conservative tendencies, but I still love her because she has a good soul. She's also the kind of person who might sit on a jury. And there are other people like her who might sit on a jury with her. It only takes twelve. Twelve people who are "offended" by boobs or BBWs could potentially put my porky butt in the pokey.
But that's totally unlikely right? ... Or is it?
-I'm scared.-
----- ----- ------ ----- ------
Some pretty awesome folks responded and we have had a fun and interesting discussion.... but since I don't have their permission to post what they've written, I'll just share my end. If you want to see it all, visit Dims. You know the addy.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
(The following is in response to someone saying the conservatives want to take away our porn while the liberals want to take away our un-green engines.)
Holy crap... I hadn't even thought about that AC. That's fucking perfect. I'll have no paysite AND no horsepower. Thanks US Government. Just kill me now.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
(Later in the discussion, someone jokingly asked if my site had anything to do with beastiality or poo porn, since much of Ira Isaacs' material apparently covers those topics, ahem...)
Ha ha! Nope... no beastiality or poo porn for me, Risible. I can barely clean the occasional kitty hair ball without dry heaving.
For the record, I think beastiality is unethical. Animals can't give their consent, so I think they should not be made to perform any sexual act with a human. I don't know if I would consider it malim in se or malim prohibitum, or even if it is a crime at all. But it is yuck-o, in my very humble opinion.
I fully agree with what you're saying about art being in the eye of the beholder, though. Example... my father-in-law has this effing polar bear sculpture. It's HORRIBLE. The ugliest thing ever ever ever. Stupid thing is also apparently worth quite a dime and my husband is most eager to inherit the forsaken paperweight. Thinking about that dreadful chunk of crap collecting dust on the mantle where visitors can see it makes me cringe. Absolute waves of horror shake me at my core. BUT... my father-in-law and his dingbat son think the friggin thing is art in the highest degree. A pièce de résistance to display with pride in the most high-traffic area of the house. If he could mount the son of a bitch on the hood of the car, he probably would. To me, it's heinous. Plain and simple.
So which one of us would win in a court of law when it comes to the angry polar bear statue? I think that question is just as useless as the question of obscenity currently posed to Ira Isaacs' jury.
(Someone else said "the post thickens" instead of saying "plot" in reference to recent information regarding the judge on the case and his personal website containing material that might be considered 'obscene'.)
Hee hee Les... the post thickens... in a way, that's appropos. LOL I thought you were being clever. I read about the judge's problems earlier today. What another slap in the face! Geezus.
It's like we all have to live underground. No jokes, no laughing, no porn, no fast cars with big engines, no nothing. You get up in the morning, pray, go to work, come home, pray, eat, pray, shower, pray, go to bed, repeat until Saturday, get up, pray, shower, pray, read religious books and political propaganda, pray, eat, pray, go to bed, get up, pray, go to church, pray, sing, pray, secretly judge the person sitting in front of you, pray, stand up, pretend to pray while the guy up on the podium talks about how you'll rot in hell if you think about the woman at your office with the extremely nice ass, sit down, put some money in the plate, pray, go home, pray, eat, pray, got to bed, start over from the top, repeat weekly and pay taxes annually and never question what those in authority tell you to do. Is that what the government actually wants? Do our representatives and legislators actually think that is POSSIBLE, let alone practical?
I'm in Missouri and my community seems to be undecided on how "conservative" or "liberal" they want to be. There's a church on every corner but there's also a topless bar or adult-magazine shop within about 5 or 10 miles of anywhere you'd go in the Kansas City area. As for laws, my website is not breaking any laws, state or federal. I am of legal age; I pay taxes on my income; and don't do anything that would constitute indecent exposure.
While I don't really lose any sleep over being personally prosecuted on obscenity charges, since I read about this case, I now realize it IS possible that I *could* be.... however unlikely. Then I think, y'know what, it may not be as unlikely as I would let myself believe. That's why I gave the example of my super-uptight relative. If she were on my jury she would definitely vote to convict me. She does think all porn should be illegal. My point is... she is NOT alone. She's not even that much of a minority. Her husband is of a very similar mindset. It only takes 12 jurors to seal one's fate and finding 12 people like her and her husband would not be a difficult task. So I oscillate between thinking it's wildly impossible that a no-core pin up model like myself would be prosecuted; and thinking it is not only possible but could be probable if the current trend continues.
The whole situation is just junk. Honestly, leave the porn guy alone. Leave the judge alone. Leave everyone alone! Let's go after those who are really causing a problem... serial killers, anyone? Child molesters? Repeat offender drunk drivers? After we get rid of all of those, then maybe if we just have nothing better to do, I suppose we can start picking on innocent people to pass the time.
Sorry for prattling on so long, but obvsiously my mind hasn't had enough to occupy itself the past day or so. LOL
Let me also say I'm so glad to see that there are people here who would not throw me or others like me under a bus for flashing a little leg. I do appreciate that and find real comfort in it. Thanks you guys.
... Now back to your regularly scheduled programming ...
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
Your thoughts? Am I "obscene"? ... Yes. But foul language aside, all other things considered where consenting adults and legal business are concerned, where do we draw the line?
----- Who decides what is "obscene"? -----
I've been reading about Ira Isaacs' upcoming trial and it really bothers me.
I have not seen any of his films, but after reading about them, they sound like something I would never want to see. "Poo" porn isn't really my thing. In my own personal opinion it's gross, but I don't know if I would call it "obscene".
Who has the ultimate say in how "obscene" is defined anyway?
Quote:
The prosecution is the first in Southern California by a U.S. Department of Justice task force formed in 2005 after Christian conservative groups appealed to the Bush administration to crack down on smut.
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la...,4510463.story
:End Quote.
So what if it is smut? If the business is conducted legally with consenting adults, then in the United States, let them have their smut!
What the fuck is wrong with someone watching legal porn in the privacy of their own home? Why does this "task force" even exist??? And to blame it on Christians? I'm not a Christian, but I'm surrounded by them and most of the ones I know don't give two hoots what someone does on their own time.
Y'know Ira Isaacs might be a real slime bag. But isn't that his right as a free American? Isn't his art (however disgusting it may or may not be) protected under the First Amendment?
I realize there are a lot of people in this country and in our government who would dearly love to restrict everything we see, read, write and create. I realize a lot of those people will claim those restrictions are in the name of "decency" and the protection of polite society. But what a slippery slope! Even when the PMRC came about some years ago with their censorship bent trying to damn the pop music industry, I never thought they'd get away with it. And mostly, they did not.
This one though, this one has me worried. What if they get away with it? Then what? What's next to go? Are they going to take away Comedy Central? South Park? Beavis and Butthead? Are they going to close down my own paysite?
How did this happen? From where did this "task force" come? How do we make it go away?
(By the way, the task force who is prosecuting Ira Isaacs is NOT the same federal agency that deals with child porn. That's an ENTIRELY different ball of wax. We're talking about consenting adults and their First Amendment rights here.)
This guy stands a chance of going to jail, depending on the outcome of the jury's decision. If he's convicted, then in a roundabout way, I stand a chance of going to jail some day for flashing my boobies. It's a coin toss... he could get a very open-minded jury; there are no guarantees.
Either scenario could totally happen. One of my relatives, whom I love very much, is 19 different varieties of uptight. If she ever knew about my website, I think she would be "offended" to the point that she would never speak to me again. No one is perfect, y'know. She's just one of those people with a very narrow mind and extremely conservative tendencies, but I still love her because she has a good soul. She's also the kind of person who might sit on a jury. And there are other people like her who might sit on a jury with her. It only takes twelve. Twelve people who are "offended" by boobs or BBWs could potentially put my porky butt in the pokey.
But that's totally unlikely right? ... Or is it?
-I'm scared.-
----- ----- ------ ----- ------
Some pretty awesome folks responded and we have had a fun and interesting discussion.... but since I don't have their permission to post what they've written, I'll just share my end. If you want to see it all, visit Dims. You know the addy.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
(The following is in response to someone saying the conservatives want to take away our porn while the liberals want to take away our un-green engines.)
Holy crap... I hadn't even thought about that AC. That's fucking perfect. I'll have no paysite AND no horsepower. Thanks US Government. Just kill me now.
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
(Later in the discussion, someone jokingly asked if my site had anything to do with beastiality or poo porn, since much of Ira Isaacs' material apparently covers those topics, ahem...)
Ha ha! Nope... no beastiality or poo porn for me, Risible. I can barely clean the occasional kitty hair ball without dry heaving.
For the record, I think beastiality is unethical. Animals can't give their consent, so I think they should not be made to perform any sexual act with a human. I don't know if I would consider it malim in se or malim prohibitum, or even if it is a crime at all. But it is yuck-o, in my very humble opinion.
I fully agree with what you're saying about art being in the eye of the beholder, though. Example... my father-in-law has this effing polar bear sculpture. It's HORRIBLE. The ugliest thing ever ever ever. Stupid thing is also apparently worth quite a dime and my husband is most eager to inherit the forsaken paperweight. Thinking about that dreadful chunk of crap collecting dust on the mantle where visitors can see it makes me cringe. Absolute waves of horror shake me at my core. BUT... my father-in-law and his dingbat son think the friggin thing is art in the highest degree. A pièce de résistance to display with pride in the most high-traffic area of the house. If he could mount the son of a bitch on the hood of the car, he probably would. To me, it's heinous. Plain and simple.
So which one of us would win in a court of law when it comes to the angry polar bear statue? I think that question is just as useless as the question of obscenity currently posed to Ira Isaacs' jury.
(Someone else said "the post thickens" instead of saying "plot" in reference to recent information regarding the judge on the case and his personal website containing material that might be considered 'obscene'.)
Hee hee Les... the post thickens... in a way, that's appropos. LOL I thought you were being clever. I read about the judge's problems earlier today. What another slap in the face! Geezus.
It's like we all have to live underground. No jokes, no laughing, no porn, no fast cars with big engines, no nothing. You get up in the morning, pray, go to work, come home, pray, eat, pray, shower, pray, go to bed, repeat until Saturday, get up, pray, shower, pray, read religious books and political propaganda, pray, eat, pray, go to bed, get up, pray, go to church, pray, sing, pray, secretly judge the person sitting in front of you, pray, stand up, pretend to pray while the guy up on the podium talks about how you'll rot in hell if you think about the woman at your office with the extremely nice ass, sit down, put some money in the plate, pray, go home, pray, eat, pray, got to bed, start over from the top, repeat weekly and pay taxes annually and never question what those in authority tell you to do. Is that what the government actually wants? Do our representatives and legislators actually think that is POSSIBLE, let alone practical?
I'm in Missouri and my community seems to be undecided on how "conservative" or "liberal" they want to be. There's a church on every corner but there's also a topless bar or adult-magazine shop within about 5 or 10 miles of anywhere you'd go in the Kansas City area. As for laws, my website is not breaking any laws, state or federal. I am of legal age; I pay taxes on my income; and don't do anything that would constitute indecent exposure.
While I don't really lose any sleep over being personally prosecuted on obscenity charges, since I read about this case, I now realize it IS possible that I *could* be.... however unlikely. Then I think, y'know what, it may not be as unlikely as I would let myself believe. That's why I gave the example of my super-uptight relative. If she were on my jury she would definitely vote to convict me. She does think all porn should be illegal. My point is... she is NOT alone. She's not even that much of a minority. Her husband is of a very similar mindset. It only takes 12 jurors to seal one's fate and finding 12 people like her and her husband would not be a difficult task. So I oscillate between thinking it's wildly impossible that a no-core pin up model like myself would be prosecuted; and thinking it is not only possible but could be probable if the current trend continues.
The whole situation is just junk. Honestly, leave the porn guy alone. Leave the judge alone. Leave everyone alone! Let's go after those who are really causing a problem... serial killers, anyone? Child molesters? Repeat offender drunk drivers? After we get rid of all of those, then maybe if we just have nothing better to do, I suppose we can start picking on innocent people to pass the time.
Sorry for prattling on so long, but obvsiously my mind hasn't had enough to occupy itself the past day or so. LOL
Let me also say I'm so glad to see that there are people here who would not throw me or others like me under a bus for flashing a little leg. I do appreciate that and find real comfort in it. Thanks you guys.
... Now back to your regularly scheduled programming ...
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
Your thoughts? Am I "obscene"? ... Yes. But foul language aside, all other things considered where consenting adults and legal business are concerned, where do we draw the line?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The White Bandage of Courage - or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Tumor. 04Jun08
It's been a strange couple of weeks.
At the end of April, out of nowhere, I start feeling this knot on my stomach. That's weird. Doesn't hurt. Hmph. It'll go away.
But 2 weeks later, it was SO NOT going away. FINE. Goddammit, fine. I'll call the doctor. I'll use one of my FEW covered doc appointments (thanks to fucking cheapskate changes in my insurance and a shitty economy).
Doc pokes around at it. Says it's a cyst and sends me to a surgeon. He pokes around at it, says not a cyst. Dunno what it is. Will chop open and remove at hospital.
Show up at hospital. Got poked with needles, and given some magic gas. Pass out. Wake up an hour later. Feel odd painful sensation where mysterious lump used to be. Try to touch area. Feels like cotton and gauze cell phone has been taped to my belly. Geezus christ, what did they do to me.
Mr. Buffie says the doc told him no worries. Still dunno what it is, but sending it to the lab. (You mean I go through all this shit and I don't get to keep it? I even brought a jar with me.)
Got home with magic pills. Wake up 2 days later.
Look at incision myself for first time. Fucking cow! That's a HUGE cut. How big was this thing? The doc supposedly said it was small, like a walnut or a pecan. That's got to be a 6 inch incision. Good grief. This suture thing is cool though. There's only one "stitch". It sticks out on one side, goes under my skin and holds it together, then sticks out the other side. Neato.
This thing flippin hurts though. Sitting up really sucks because my belly puts pressure on the cut. Massive bruises, too. Lame lame lame.
But alas, I feel like something is now missing. Over the weeks, I grew close to my new little friend. I had given it a name and had big plans for it. I was going to keep it in a jar with some glitter, like a snow globe. It was going to have a band, too. Lil Tumor and the Tape Worm Twins (the tape worms were going to be supplied by someone else. I don't have tape worms) would release their single "Band in a Jar". It would be a top 40 hit. They would have their own Behind the Music special on VH1. However, it is not to be. The tumor was abducted by someone on the staff at St. Luke's. Certainly they were unaware that they had absconded with a local celebrity.
Geeeeeeezus christ it hurts. I find myself just sitting, in a stupor, wondering when the pain will subside. Yeagh. My second boob job didn't hurt this bad, ironically.
Gas prices have me totally depressed. Unfortunately I've had time to think about it. I've had time to ponder on too much. We're going to have a new president in a few months. Another wealthy suit who doesn't know or give two shits about middle class people like me or my family.
Then I get all bitter about people who abuse the welfare system and how they slowly drain funds from those of us already struggling to make ends meet. I just ~heart~ the saying "if you can't feed em, don't' breed em". Why can't more people take that to heart? If you're struggling and you have 2 or 3 kids, fine. Get some TEMPORARY help. But QUIT popping out kids until your ass can afford them. Oh... and don't bitch and whine about having so little and needing my tax dollars for help when your ass can always afford cigarettes, cell phones, booze, cable tv, and acrylic nails. Government aid is meant for disabled people, the elderly, disadvantaged kids, and those who need TEMPORARY help. It is NOT a way of life or a free ride for some lazy ass who thinks they're entitled to a hand out.
I've spent most of today trying to scrub my brain fee of these thoughts. I'm SO over it. Call me shallow if you must, but there's a reason why I would rather watch E! News over CNN. I can only handle so many bloated politicans, earthquakes, soaring fuel prices, and global warming. Give me info on the latest in purses for summer, lip gloss that smells like bubble gum, where to buy cheap earrings, what cars bounce your boobs the most when you drive over speed bumps, kittens in baskets... You know... Buffie stuff.
I have over a thousand unanswered messages in my MySpace inbox. Gulp. Me so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to get to all of those in a timely manner. Oh long johnson, why can't I have a fake job where I don't ever leave the house? Is there any way I can get paid for goofing off on MySpace? What about getting paid to nap? Certainly that's worth something.
I am just not quite myself. I miss my friends. I think Kevin is going to visit soon. Chuckwagon better get himself prepared for another princess in the house. Bring on the alcohol and guacamole. Chuck still can't eat a tortilla. Kevin ruined tortillas for him. Way to go, Kev!
The world has to get better. Soon. Or else the news needs to start reporting some of the good things that happen. Too much information is a bad thing, especially when it's all shit shitty crap shit that's making our lives so hard.
What have we here... in the cabinet... I spy chocolate covered almonds. Joy and excitement! Well, that is certainly the best thing I've found today.
Later gators. I have an appointment with yummy goodness.
At the end of April, out of nowhere, I start feeling this knot on my stomach. That's weird. Doesn't hurt. Hmph. It'll go away.
But 2 weeks later, it was SO NOT going away. FINE. Goddammit, fine. I'll call the doctor. I'll use one of my FEW covered doc appointments (thanks to fucking cheapskate changes in my insurance and a shitty economy).
Doc pokes around at it. Says it's a cyst and sends me to a surgeon. He pokes around at it, says not a cyst. Dunno what it is. Will chop open and remove at hospital.
Show up at hospital. Got poked with needles, and given some magic gas. Pass out. Wake up an hour later. Feel odd painful sensation where mysterious lump used to be. Try to touch area. Feels like cotton and gauze cell phone has been taped to my belly. Geezus christ, what did they do to me.
Mr. Buffie says the doc told him no worries. Still dunno what it is, but sending it to the lab. (You mean I go through all this shit and I don't get to keep it? I even brought a jar with me.)
Got home with magic pills. Wake up 2 days later.
Look at incision myself for first time. Fucking cow! That's a HUGE cut. How big was this thing? The doc supposedly said it was small, like a walnut or a pecan. That's got to be a 6 inch incision. Good grief. This suture thing is cool though. There's only one "stitch". It sticks out on one side, goes under my skin and holds it together, then sticks out the other side. Neato.
This thing flippin hurts though. Sitting up really sucks because my belly puts pressure on the cut. Massive bruises, too. Lame lame lame.
But alas, I feel like something is now missing. Over the weeks, I grew close to my new little friend. I had given it a name and had big plans for it. I was going to keep it in a jar with some glitter, like a snow globe. It was going to have a band, too. Lil Tumor and the Tape Worm Twins (the tape worms were going to be supplied by someone else. I don't have tape worms) would release their single "Band in a Jar". It would be a top 40 hit. They would have their own Behind the Music special on VH1. However, it is not to be. The tumor was abducted by someone on the staff at St. Luke's. Certainly they were unaware that they had absconded with a local celebrity.
Geeeeeeezus christ it hurts. I find myself just sitting, in a stupor, wondering when the pain will subside. Yeagh. My second boob job didn't hurt this bad, ironically.
Gas prices have me totally depressed. Unfortunately I've had time to think about it. I've had time to ponder on too much. We're going to have a new president in a few months. Another wealthy suit who doesn't know or give two shits about middle class people like me or my family.
Then I get all bitter about people who abuse the welfare system and how they slowly drain funds from those of us already struggling to make ends meet. I just ~heart~ the saying "if you can't feed em, don't' breed em". Why can't more people take that to heart? If you're struggling and you have 2 or 3 kids, fine. Get some TEMPORARY help. But QUIT popping out kids until your ass can afford them. Oh... and don't bitch and whine about having so little and needing my tax dollars for help when your ass can always afford cigarettes, cell phones, booze, cable tv, and acrylic nails. Government aid is meant for disabled people, the elderly, disadvantaged kids, and those who need TEMPORARY help. It is NOT a way of life or a free ride for some lazy ass who thinks they're entitled to a hand out.
I've spent most of today trying to scrub my brain fee of these thoughts. I'm SO over it. Call me shallow if you must, but there's a reason why I would rather watch E! News over CNN. I can only handle so many bloated politicans, earthquakes, soaring fuel prices, and global warming. Give me info on the latest in purses for summer, lip gloss that smells like bubble gum, where to buy cheap earrings, what cars bounce your boobs the most when you drive over speed bumps, kittens in baskets... You know... Buffie stuff.
I have over a thousand unanswered messages in my MySpace inbox. Gulp. Me so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to get to all of those in a timely manner. Oh long johnson, why can't I have a fake job where I don't ever leave the house? Is there any way I can get paid for goofing off on MySpace? What about getting paid to nap? Certainly that's worth something.
I am just not quite myself. I miss my friends. I think Kevin is going to visit soon. Chuckwagon better get himself prepared for another princess in the house. Bring on the alcohol and guacamole. Chuck still can't eat a tortilla. Kevin ruined tortillas for him. Way to go, Kev!
The world has to get better. Soon. Or else the news needs to start reporting some of the good things that happen. Too much information is a bad thing, especially when it's all shit shitty crap shit that's making our lives so hard.
What have we here... in the cabinet... I spy chocolate covered almonds. Joy and excitement! Well, that is certainly the best thing I've found today.
Later gators. I have an appointment with yummy goodness.
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