Dear Subway,
This is regarding your new ad about the guy who eats at the burger joint and suddenly needs new bigger clothes, a seat-belt extender, etc...
Note to your marketing geniuses... if you want a customer's money perhaps it is best not to insult them. I don't have a marketing degree as I am too fat, lazy, and stupid to earn one (sarcasm intended), but I would just guess that the first rule for winning the favorable attention of a person or group of people is to approach them with kindness, or neutrality at the very least.
But y'know, what do I know? I'm merely an ignorant fat person. Besides, I'm so paranoid (as your ad suggests) to even leave my home, let alone visit a Subway where all the thin, wonderful, perfect people dine.
All kidding and snideness aside (hey, y'all started by insulting ME first, just giving back a little of what I was given), I really used to like going to Subway. This might be news to you folks, but large people do NOT actually just sit at home, eating lard out of a bucket with a spoon. Sometimes we do eat good, healthy food. Amazing? Yes, I know.
Subway isn't perfect though. You folks have lots of sodium filled lunch meats, which aren't exactly good for the arteries. Let's not forget your wide choice of high calorie sodas, cookies, and chips. So to suggest your company is the end-all of health food... (hey, that's the same as suggesting what you do about fat people -we're in need of therapy? Ring a bell?) ...it's about as much of a stretch as my elastic waist pants.
Anyway, here's the deal, you start making ads that are either *truly* effing hilarious (hire John Pinette, if he'll have your sorry ass) or you start making ads that are LESS obnoxious, stereotypical, lame, rude, and then maybe, JUST maybe I will consider coming back to a Subway. Don't forget, I'm a fat sow, so I spend a crap-ton of money on your mayo-filled, salt encrusted, foot long sandwiches, and your delicious eat-em-by-the-dozen cookies. Deal?
=)
Very best regards,
Buffie S.
Missouri
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