Have you seen that Bowflex commercial? No, not that one. The one with the pug-faced smug guy who talks about his wife "giving him that little wink"...
That guy... if that's how he acts in person... geezus. Hi. Buy a Bowflex and you can be an asshole just like me!
He says "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends" all high-and-mighty like. WHATEVER. Dude, if that's how you really are, I *strongly* doubt you have ANY friends, fat, thin or otherwise.
Sheesh. Who was the marketing genius behind THAT ad?
Hellllooooo, gym and diet and work-out advertising people, if you want folks to buy your products and shit... like, I dunno... say fat people... If you want fat people to spend their hard earned cash on your junk, perhaps start out by NOT insulting them in your commercials? Just a suggestion. Y'all seem to do that a lot.
Hey you. You suck. Come spend money on my shit or else I'll spit in your eye and call your momma names!
Mmmhmmm, that's the way to win folks over. You Madison Avenue people clearly have it alllll figured out.
Gah!
(I know... another fat-rant. Hey, write what you know. That's the saying, yes? Besides, it's more fun than crying to everyone about how I don't have an MTV award or having a cow about Brangelina's baby-buying spree.)
But... speaking of celebrities. It's another time of year when I fear drunk drivers more than usual. In case you didn't know, I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE drunk drivers. I hate even more the drunk drivers who have easy access to alternatives, such as taxis, buses or sober friends but don't make good use of them.
Then there are celebrity drunk drivers. ALL OF YOU DESERVE TO BE IN JAIL.
Paris, Britney, Lindsey, that Kardashian sister and all their privileged friends not only have TONS of money for cab fare or a limo, they have enough money to HIRE A CHAUFFER permanently. Celebrities don't have to drive ANYWHERE if they don't want to and they sure as fuck don't "have" to drive drunk or high or loaded on Valium.
I don't give a shit about your Bently, your pocket-size great dane, your Jimmy Choos or your Fendi bag. Those things don't make you a nice person or a smart person and money can't buy you a good soul. You're spoiled ignorant hookers and any one of you should spend a day in my life or the life of one of my friends and see what it's like to work a long effing day, get paid in peanuts, drive home in a car with mis-matched tires or squeaking belts, have to clean your own kitchen, check your own mail or wipe your own ass. OH... and NOT drive while under the influence. Gee... if we mere simple peasants can do it, why can't you?
Driving drunk is lame and dangerous and if you live in Kansas City and you can't pull your head out of your butt long enough to figure out a way to drink WITHOUT getting behind the wheel, use Grab A Cab from EAP. Unlike me, these people take pity on your stupid ass and they will reimburse your cab fare for doing the right thing by NOT driving yourself home. Ask your employer if your company participates in EAP.
Since I'm not a total Scrooge (well, mostly but not completely) I would like to say - HAPPY Holidays!
Please be safe and beware of morons in SUVs. I care about y'all and want you to enjoy your festivities!
Eat lots of good stuff, give your friends and family TONS of hugs, volunteer for something close to your heart and stay warm!
Jingle!
~Buffie
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