I mean, even Carrie Fisher said the world is a hostile place for a fat person. She is not wrong.
Yesterday I visited the endocrinologist for a follow up on my issues. Got CAT scan results. The good news - nothing is wrong. The bad news - nothing is wrong. Square one again. Still have the pain and the hyperhidrosis but they dunno what's causing it.
This endocrinologist came highly recommended by several people, including my regular doc and my psychiatrist. So I was expecting the best possible treatment. First visit went alright. He tried to push WLS on me, gastric bypass. Told him no go. He backed off.
Yesterday he brought it up again, as if he had forgotten I said absolutely not. And when I reminded him that I wasn't going to do it, he shamed me by making a condescending remark that he thought it was "interesting" that my hyperhidrosis wasn't affected by my weight and sent me on my way. He even had the gall to refer me back to the Revolving Door Dermatology Warehouse.
Anyway, I left in a huff. Feeling like a substandard human because I am not small enough to be treated like everyone else. Not my proudest moment. I'm angry at myself for letting someone get to me and for allowing myself to feel that way.
Seems like I am seeing so much fat hate lately. More than usual. I'm probably still miffed over the couple who openly made fun of me last week. It's all weighing in my mind. (Weighing... puns... I'm so clever. *snort*)
Instead of whining about it, I've decided to just buy in. If you can't beat them, join them, right? That's what they always say and they always know what they're talking about.
Hate fat people? Of course you do. Everyone does. So let's eliminate them. These are the most popular techniques currently in use by the diet industry, Cosmopolitan Magazine and millions of commenters all over the internet.
First of all, insults make fat people thin. I haven't seen this work with my own eyes. But I know it has to be effective because it is socially acceptable to belittle and shame big people. Remember the Bowflex guy who "gave all his FAT clothes to his FAT friends?" That was a national ad campaign. So that tells you right there that the entire nation can't think of anything worse than being fat.
Bullying, that's another one that really hits home. Ohkay, this one didn't work on me unfortunately but it probably is helpful to the ones who actually survive it. I know, I survived it too. But I'm a bad example because ... ... Mmmm... Hrmmm. Well, I guess it must work because of science or something.
Alright, now we have the obvious one, diet ads! Almost every single commercial break has at least one, sometimes several. There are pills and gadgets and garments and meal plans and you can even hire someone to remind you on a regular basis what a foul, disgusting pig you are. I think her name is Jillian Michaels.
Of course, you can't watch anything on E! or read anything in mainstream lifestyle magazines without having attention called to the fact that you're a horrible warty fat toad. All the fashion trends are focused on looking as small as possible. Smaller is better. Always. Amazing summer beach bodies perpetually belong to the stars who have hired a trainer, nutritionist, plastic surgeon and chef then spent all their extra time in their private home gyms to shed an extra five pounds. And if THEY can do it with their busy schedules and tight budgets, then we slovenly blobs have no excuse.
The next time you are out and about and someone remarks on your size, you immediately apologize! Then you thank them for helping you keep feelings of shame and embarrassment right under the surface.
Also, go to the nearest bathroom and barf up everything you've eaten for the past three weeks then sell everything you own and hire that trainer lady to scream about all your physical misgivings in your face while you sob on a treadmill.
Fuck.
All.
That.
Shit.
You know what needs a cure? We do. All of us. I have so many friends who put themselves down constantly. Stop it. Please. You're not accomplishing anything positive when you do that.
You read the magazines and think that's how you /should/ look when you roll out of bed.
Let me tell you something. For 10 years I worked full-time as a makeup artist. I've seen professional models at 5 a.m. They have zits, bags under their eyes, scars, crusty cuticles, weird veins, hair growing in strange places. EVERYONE DOES.
But after a couple hours of hair and makeup, soft lighting, professional photography and a gifted graphic artist retouching the picture, they look like what you see in the magazines. IT IS ALL A FACADE. It isn't meant to be lived day in and day out. It's art. It's someone's vision. Flawlessness does not exist in anyone.
What you see as flaws in yourself aren't flaws at all. They're part of being human. Stop being so hard on yourself. I've got to do the same thing. I have completely unrealistic expectations of who I'm supposed to be and it causes me nothing but endless disappointment.
Fact: Fat people are big. They're not dumb, they're not lazy, they don't stink. (Yes, there ARE people in this world who are ignorant, unmotivated and smelly. Those people come in all shapes and sizes. Fat has nothing to do with it.)
Fiction: Hating and humiliating fat people will make the world a better place.
I don't know how to make this any clearer. But the body shame has GOT TO STOP and I'm starting with me.
"Fat people are not lazy and they don't stink' I totally agree with that statement, Except nature didn't intend us to be fat. I am glad that you have managed to be comfortable in your own skin, indeed you have achieved something I wish I could have done, and I am envious.
ReplyDeleteHowever, being fat is not a glorious thing, there are health risk associated with excessive weight, hypertension, high blood pressure etc. All of which are not good. I used to be extremely overweight, my doctors woud talk to me about gastric bypass but I would have none of it. One day I just had enough, I started eating right and excercizing a lot....today I have lost over 140lbs and I feel great, I undeerstand the fat community, but I think it's not healthy or sustainable...I truly hope you all get healthy (notice I didn't say thin") in time to help you all......just my 0.02
You're assuming a lot, Anonymous. How do you know I am not healthy? Other than a weird non fat-related problem I'm having lately, I have zero size-related issues. My health is not anyone's business but mine, however I am constantly encountering people who believe they need to know these things because I am fat. Defending myself gets so old.
ReplyDeleteBut here we go again, for the record: (And no, I will not scan my lab reports and post them. Fuck anyone who thinks I owe them that.)
My cholesterol is well within normal range, as is my blood sugar. My blood pressure is usually normal to low but got a little wonky a couple weeks ago. It has since returned to normal. My renal, adrenal and thyroid function is all normal. According to my doctor, I am indeed healthy. So now what?
Maybe TO YOU, fat is not a glorious thing, but to other people and other cultures, it is. Just because you don't find it glorious doesn't mean people who do are somehow wrong or less worthy.
A wise person once said, "Health is not a virtue." Think on that for a second. Good for you for achieving what you want for yourself and your body but because you believe your health is in top form doesn't give you license to judge people you deem as 'unhealthy.' One cannot know how 'healthy' someone is just by looking at them. Good health does not equal superiority. People should be treated with fairness and kindness regardless of their health or their size.
Who knows what nature intended us to be? Nature did not 'intend' us to have tattoos, yet may people do. Are you concerned about their health, too?
You contradict yourself by saying you understand the fat community yet you judge us by implying we need to get our asses in gear and do what you did before we run out of time. How much time do you suppose we have?
Happen to have read any of the headlines lately reporting on studies that have shown bariatric surgery doesn't significantly extend life? No one knows how much time we have.
It's attitudes like yours that are just as dangerous as those who openly hate us. You probably mean well by sharing the 'just get healthy' mantra instead of saying 'just get thin' yet you assume that those who are a certain size aren't healthy. You're still as judgmental as anyone else, but you're in denial about it or you think it's justified because you don't have malicious intent.
I think it was Marilyn Wann who said, "You can't hate people for their own good."
The point is - Quit worrying about our health. That's a private matter. Instead, just treat us like everyone else. Is that asking too much?
@Big Cutie Buffie, thank you so much for that post! I'm so damn tired of hearing the "thin is healthy" mantra. Because, as we've always been told, thin means healthy and active, while plumper people will waste away in their own cholesterol. People who have any amount of weight on them are treated as sub-human, when it shouldn't matter at all. It's so wrong - I've yet to figure out why the media wants women to be so terribly thin to be considered beautiful. It's a completely unrealistic standard.
ReplyDelete