Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers! 20Aug08

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers!
Is there a correlation between money and manners?

Common sense tells me a person can have manners or kindness or class no matter what their stock portfolio contains. Hell, I don't even HAVE a stock portfolio and I think I'm more often nice than not nice.

Common sense does not apply at Wal-Mart.

I realize people from all backgrounds shop there. But what is it about those Always Low Prices that brings out the ass in people?

Tonight I was doomed to go there after work. Had to have food for dinner, mainly. I realize Wal-Mart is evil and I shouldn't shop there. But give me a break. I literally can't afford Price Chopper. Even HyVee is a bit out of my budget on some things.

As I sat in the parking lot (because I whined and Mr. Buffie went in without me) I observed the most obnoxious behavior.

First of all, we encountered the classic "I know you were waiting for this space, but I was able to pull in faster, so fuck you" move. Fucking bad-highlights bitch and her bad-highlights in training fugly frowning teen daughter. Fuck you both, bitches. For all you know we would have offered you the space. You didn't have to be a hateful selfish whore.

Then I witness other outrageous things. People will drive on your ass if you don't move. Apparently waiting for a pedestrian to walk 5 yards is JUSTTOOLONGTOWAIT because they are INAHURRY! Therefore they're going to pause and creep forward as you walk, creeping faster the closer you get to the other side, finally reaching about 45 mph when you've cleared their path. No they literally DO NOT have an extra 30 seconds to let you cross without fear. THEY are VERY important people who have places to GO and people to SEE!!!! Very important! Hurry! Move along! Coming through!

What's worse? These people are steadily rolling toward you as you're walking AND they're swatting at 15 loose kids floundering in the back seat while trying to insert their cell phones into their skulls and scounting a parking space to steal from someone else who's been waiting for it for 5 minutes.

Ohhh, let's not forget my favorite part of the Wal-Mart parking lot experience... the varied flotsam and jetsam strewn about the place. Dirty diapers, plastic cups, those notorious blue bags. Yet I see trash can after trash can, too. All standing purposefully in their convenient locations, ready and willing to accept your refuse. What lovely people must have left these treasures just lying on the ground? Why, I can't possibly imagine.

Shopping carts. They revolutionized the grocery store experience. Life would not be the same without them. Yet they're abandoned among the cars or the little grassy medians at the end of the parking rows. Meanwhile the shopping cart return stalls are ghost towns with tumbleweeds blowing across their dusty lanes.

To summarize - Wal-Mart parking lots are viewed by most as a good place to:
qualify for a NASCAR race.
discuss football practice schedules on your cell phone.
be as selfish as humanly possible.
leave shit-bombs... err... diapers for others to find and enjoy.
discard your used shopping cart by picking any direction that points away from your car and shoving it as hard as you can.
do all of the above at the exact same moment.
...and ... my favorite... observe some of the worst that humanity has to offer without being involved in active warfare or being in maximum security prison.

Clean up on aisle 3.