Let me disclaim. Which really isn't fair because I don't want to seem like I'm avoiding ownership of my opinion. That isn't the case. I am personally accountable for what I say, whether it's popular or not. But I don't want to come across as more snotty than I really am.
Truth be told, I'm not that stuck up. Only a little bit. Not so stuck up that I don't have friends. Maybe it isn't even actual stuckuppedness.
Off topic, I'm getting way off topic. Let's just say I am no more or less judgmental than the next person. Difference being that unlike a few, I admit it and I try to be objective and not think "oh I'm perfect and everyone else has problems".
I am not perfect and I don't ever try to be perfect. I am only myself. To add though, I am very very very most completely thankful that I am NOT a zombie and knock on wood, I hope to never become a zombie some day.
About these zombies.
I think that maybe they don't know they're zombies. I get the impression that the zombies think they're awake or alive. They're numb and unaware of the fact that the conscious people observe them drifting among us, thinking they're found but being dead lost.
Tonight I saw a zombie walking through the grocery. She had two or three young zombies with her, all aimlessly meandering throughout the aisles without a care as to staying on the proper path. In your way, in mine, no matter.
The zombies don't even know we are there. To see us is to acknowledge they're not the undead. Trip over them if you want. Sometimes you can't help but do that. Zombies are often unavoidable and cause you to stumble over them. Don't worry. They don't mind. They don't even realize they've had an encounter with you. Some of them may say "oops", "excuse me", or "sorry", but don't mistake this for anything but a zombie reflex. They're born with the ability to mimic certain traits shared by the living, but none of the things they do are borne out of conscious decision making.
In the parking lot, one of the living was hauling a long, heavy, bulky row of shopping carts back into the lobby. The zombies and their zombie children came floating out of the store, pushing their zombie carts full of zombie food, never once stopping to notice that when they walk 5 abreast, the poor cognizant human, huffing and puffing to shove the train of carts, has to perform Marvel comic like maneuvers to avoid crushing one of the lost zombie offspring.
But what can we, the living, the knowing, the aware, what can we do? The problem is so much bigger than we are.
Try as we do, what with anti-zombie legislation to keep them off cell phones when they're driving, or printing big bold warnings on things to prevent zombies from accidentally harming themselves... nothing ever helps. They still go to McDonald's and dump hot coffee in their laps. Unfortunately, injury usually jolts a zombie into sudden life and for reasons unknown to god and science, newly alive zombies tend to file lawsuits against the living.
Now about this disclaimer... I am pro-equality in very many ways. I think people should be treated fairly no matter what they look like, no matter who they sleep with (consenting adults only plz), no matter their spiritual trappings, no matter their socioeconomic status, blah blah blah.
But... where zombies are concerned. Well... I think I have to draw the line. I mean, I wouldn't have a problem with zombies having the right to vote, but since zombies ALREADY have the right to vote and they keep picking OTHER zombies to run things, this is obviously not helping any of us. The economy is in the shitter and frankly, almost all the mistakes can be linked directly to zombies and their zombie behavior.
Same thing about zombie marriage. I wouldn't mind if they had the right to marry other zombies OR other members of the living world. In fact, like voting, zombies already DO enjoy that freedom and you know what they're doing with it? Making MORE zombies. Data has shown that the zombie gene, ironically enough, is dominant over the gene for consciousness. So even if a zombie marries and reproduces with a non-zombie, the result will still be a zombie.
Zombies cause over 99% of traffic fatalities. The National Highway Study Committee of Very Smart People compiled reports of traffic accidents involving zombies for the last 20 years and the results were rock solid. Most zombie behavior is found to be dangerous when performed while driving. In fact, zombie behavior in and of itself is in direct opposition to the act of operating a motor vehicle. Almost every thing a zombie does, such as living with one's zombie head rammed clean up one's zombie ass, is impossible to do behind the wheel in a safe and responsible fashion.
Does this make me sound like some sort of Hitler? I hope not. Please don't misunderstand, I am NOT proposing any sort of zombie genocide, because that is clearly wrong. Zombies shouldn't be killed just for being zombies. They're dead already anyway... kinda. Pfft. Not really. I mean they're not /living/ but they're not /dead/ either. Technically, they're the "undead". So y'know, can you really kill a zombie? Besides, with their rate of reproduction, there's still no way to effectively and humanely control the zombie population.
Like cockroaches, we just have to deal with them. Although cockroaches actually serve a purpose. I'm trying to think if zombies have a purpose... Hrm...
Well, zombies do purchase zombie products which creates jobs for those who work in the zombie product manufacturing industry. Zombies also spend money on celebrity worship, fad diets, and craptacular made-just-for-money movie sequels, so I guess that's some sort of financial stimulation, although it seems to me a bit like a self-maintaining fire that doesn't do anything else but burn itself. Sort of pointless. Not exactly *my* idea of a 'purpose', but since we're talking zombies, I can't really use my personal standards by which to measure them. That's unfair to zombies.
In closing, I would like to say that world peace would be super. In order to achieve this, we're going to have to stop letting zombies make rules and we're also going to have to do something about the evil zombies, because there are a few.
But good luck with that last part, because it isn't like I have an actual plan or anything. I just felt like bitching about zombies. They annoy me.
The end.
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